Story telling

Those of you on my Facebook already know this but today is the "anniversary" (isn't that supposed to be a happy day???) of my mom's death.  I think of her often but the day of really throws me for a loop as far as thinking goes.  I'll share with you all how she died....

When my mom was 24 she had 3 young kids at home.  My brother was 5, sister 3 and me, 13 mos.  She sold toys at those home parties as a side job and was out doing that one night.  Another kid, 16 years old, was driving the opposite direction and had already decided to commit suicide.  How did he choose to kill himself?  Well, he drove head-on into my mom's car.  My mom died, of course.  He suffered a "possible" broken nose.  Really, POSSIBLE!  That's it.  I don't generally wish harm on people but he was the one that wanted to die, not my mom.

So that's that :( 

Thing is... being a parent and wife now makes things totally different.  I think of how my dad must have felt when he was told his wife was gone.  He got a phone call to come to the hospital "right away" and they told him when he got there, after he dropped us kids off with his parents (I think, I only know these details from stories other people told).  I think of how *I* must have felt when all I wanted was my mom and she never came back (even though I know, as a baby, I really didn't care for long).  It's rough.  It makes me cry today to think of it.  I think of what SHE is missing out on as a parent, grandparent, and wife.  I think of what MY daughter is missing out on from her being her grandma.

We looked a lot alike too, my mom and I.  My older sister is blonde and blue-eyed.  I am my mom's twin with more of her Japanese features... dark hair and eyes, and our body shape is similar as well.  I wish I had more pictures scanned in to show you guys... let's see if I can dig at least one up to share.  All of the pics I tried to share "failed" to upload!  Grr!!!  I'll try again in another blog.  It's comforting knowing I look like her... I don't know why but it is.

Anyways, today and every day I miss my mom.  I know she'd be proud of me though and I know we'd be best of friends if she were still here.  Oh man, here come the water works again!  I'm such a sappy mess.  I do, however, believe that I will see her one day.  I'm excited for that day :) (but it can wait!).

Mom and Dad on their wedding day :)

 

I see myself in this shot... I can picture a goofy side of her here!

Friday, checking in

It's pretty late here already but I napped this afternoon, thank goodness.  First things first.. my weight stayed the same from yesterday which means I'm counting that loss... 31 lbs down, WOOHOO! :) The scale moved at last :)  I'm thrilled to be so close to another number range too :) Soon I'll have a weight beginning with 20- and I can work on getting to that goal of ONEderland!!! :)

More big news though in our house.  Everyone is sick.  I've got this cough hanging on from the flu that you really need to cough HARD.. from your TOES kind of cough and then NOTHING comes out.  A very NON-productive cough.  I called the nurse about it today and she said it's the signature symptom of the lovely H1N1 that I appear to have. :(

Bad news number 2.  The hubby appears to have this same nagging cough but is staying on top of his tylenol and kicking the fever's butt, quickly.

Bad news number 3.  Cadence had a bout with croup last night.  She has had this for four times in the last year now.  We were given chewable steroids to keep on hand and thank goodness for them!  We ran out though so we head into the doc this morning and she gave us a new script for them and $50 later and we're set in case it happens again. :(  For those non-parents or people not in the know... croup makes your airways swell and when you breathe in it sounds like a squeak because the air has just THIS much room to make its way through.  Plus, when you go to cough you sound like a barking seal.  This is the signature symptom of croup.  We're pros at this now though and went to her immediately with the steroids and she chomped them right up.  She slept in my bed then with Chris in the guest bed.  Emphasis on SHE slept in my bed.  Wasn't any sleeping for this mom as she was breathing pretty funky and I just wanted to make sure she WAS breathing.  Hence, my nap this afternoon! :)  She was quite a sad story though... telling me she didn't like this (pointing to her throat) and said she didn't want it to happen anymore.  Poor thing.  Makes a mama miserable! :(

So keep us in your thoughts as we all recover this weekend.  Hopefully by Monday we'll all be back to normal.  I'm tired of being sick!!!

Feeling better, losing weight!

Well, I knew I'd see weight loss with being sick but as my lovely husband pointed out... I have NO vomiting and NO diarrhea so all that's happening is that I'm eating less and eating healthy.  So what do you think?  Shall I count this weight loss?  LOL.  I'm at my lowest weight yet, 212.6 and 31 lbs down since surgery!!  I'll take it :D

Fever's been gone since about 6 pm last night and all I need to do is kick this cold and congestion and I can't stop sneezing and my nose is like a faucet so I'd imagine it's gonna be gone soon.  HOWEVER, the hubby's coming down with it now... blech!!

Please forgive me...

I have been faithfully reading and try to reply but, ladies, I have the flu.  It is a nasty nasty bug and it can leave quickly and quietly NOW.  Monday I noticed I had a new sort of cough.. it was HARD and hurt and wasn't the cough I had just gotten over which was residual from my sinus infection.  Tuesday I took my kiddo to dance and came home and started shivering!  Took my temp - 100.8.  Hmm... better send the 3 mos old home that I watch!  Took Tylenol and off came my clothes as I sweated it out.  It got to 101.4 before I sweat it out.  I went to bed early and woke up at 2 am moaning and shivering.  The hubby grabbed the thermometer, tylenol and a water for me and  yup... 102.0.  Took the pills and couldn't fall back asleep until I sweated it out again which happened rather quickly.

Called my PCP today and they diagnosed me over the phone... flu.  They called me in a prescription of Tamiflu and I've started that today.  Just finished sweating out my fever for the third time and had to change my shirt because it was soaked.  It's a good feeling but MAN it sucks at the same time.

So hang in there while I recover.   I'm still reading.  Don't  think poorly of me for not commenting very much.  I'm mostly just vegging on Facebook or watching a lot of tv.  I bet I'll lose some weight out of this, lol.  Ever the optimist.

Out of Pocket Adjustment Fee

I found out last night, also, that for a self-pay patient their discounted price for a fill appt/adjustment is ... ready for this?  $330

 

Good bunch of info after the support group meeting!

Forgive the rambling as I try to spew this information out of my brain before I forget.

So... last month at the meeting the new NP was going to be meeting with the band rep and be asking about my situation (for any newbies: I have a 9cc band and have 9cc's in it).  She was going to first ask about logistics... i.e. does the tubing count towards my 9 cc count of is there an additional couple cc's to fill due to that.  Answer: yes, the tubing is included in the 9 cc count and thus.. I have a full band according to the fill counts.  The NP next asked what the rep's take on removing all the fluid to see what's in there was.  Answer: she doesn't recommend it.  Apparently my band has different regions (what the NP used as terms to get me to understand) and when you add fluid slowly it settles into the right areas but when you remove it all and force it into the band all at once and quickly, then it can settle into all the wrong places and make me extremely filled (read: too tight) or not filled enough but a full band.

What does all this mean for me?  The rep said she thinks I'm a good candidate for getting my next fill under fleuro.  This makes me VERY happy that they are taking this seriously and I'll get to see what's going on in there and they can make the decision on what the deal is.  The NP wants to make sure the band is positioned properly and that there are no leaks.  She also said perhaps one or more of the fills went into my subcutaneous layer and not into the band, thus making me not as full as I think.

Hopefully this made sense for everyone.  If it didn't, ask me questions!  I'll be happy to clarify.  Basically now, the NP is working with the program director to see whether my self-pay funds will cover this or if I can just pay the difference between a regular fill and a fleuro fill.  Either way, it sounds as though I'll be heading to the hospital to get a fleuro fill done in the near future and I couldn't be happier to be getting some STRAIGHT answers from this new NP.  She's my new favorite lady, I think! :)

I seriously feel SUCH relief just in getting these questions answered.  My band is officially full UNLESS they missed the port on one or more of my fills.  That is ok with me because I KNOW now... it's good to be in the KNOW!  Ahhhh, sweet relief.

Also, thank you all for the support.  This has been really hard on me emotionally and you have all been there for me encouraging me to keep going and keep on truckin'.  I appreciate the crap out of all of you, each and every one!

Weigh Day

The scale gave me the middle finger again this morning... it's that time of the month and I *know* it's water weight because I craved (and ate) all things salty this week.  However, I went back to a weight I haven't seen since July 31st according to my excel sheet.  I know I'll get it off with a little bit of extra water drinking over the weekend.

Tonight, Chris and I are going out to dinner sans kiddo for his birthday, which is Sunday.  He chose Chinese food as I knew he would.  We have a favorite place that we both thoroughly enjoy but hate taking the kiddo to.  We usually wind up with carry out from there but figure tonight we can go and enjoy ourselves.  They have the BEST fortune cookies. :)

Sunday, for his actual birthday, we're going to brunch with his family and then having everyone back here for cake and ice cream.  I ordered a cake and it was too late for a custom cake but she offered me one of the two they had in the freezer... omg.  I couldn't have come up with this cake on my own!  It's a layer of chocolate, a layer of strawberry cake and then a layer in between of chocolate mousse.  Then, as if THAT isn't enough, they split the strawberry cake and put a layer of fudge in between it... :-0 Dear gawd!  Top all that with buttercream frosting and white chocolate shavings of course.  Oh man, just send me a ticket to a diabetic coma after that enters our home... DAMN!

I have a feeling this will be a bad food weekend... I think I better add an additional day at the gym next week. ;)