Rockin' it Out!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A few Christmas pictures


This is me with my coworker, Michelle.  This was taken at our Christmas party.  I thought it was not only a cute picture of the both of us but we match!!!  Funny. :)

Me, being ridiculous Christmas morning.  Cadence picked out this scarf for me.  She told me she got me a scarf but I was surprised about what it looked like at least! :)  She did well!

I spent 5 hours baking cookies the Sunday before Christmas. Here I am with the results.  We still have plenty left after bringing a ton to Grandma's and having guests.  We'll be taking some more with to the NYE celebration we're attending.  Everything here was a tried and loved recipe except the cookie with the mint M&M on top and they will be permanently added to our list of cookies!

This totally cracks me up!  See the little hand on my water?  See the look on my face?  HAHA!  I am forever telling her to ASK before she takes my beverage and Chris happened to catch "the look" on camera.  TOO FUNNY!

Cadence is apparently not wanting her picture taken.  This is her with her cousin, my nephew, Dante.  He is 6 (SIX!) and weighs over 100 lbs.  :(  My sister needs to buy him adult sized clothes and she hems MEN's pants for him to wear.  I feel so bad for him.  All the kids were wrestling with the bigger kids and he broke a sweat... like a REAL sweat.  My kid plays hard and I have never seen her sweat like that, ever.  Makes me sad.  Also, my sister is forever defending how he got this way.  "He doesn't eat a lot." etc... umm yeah, saw that in action this weekend.  In fact I have a photo of him chugging Mountain Dew.  REGULAR mt dew. :(  Enough about that.

I'll end with this one.  I just loooove how fabulous and shiny my hair looks.  Hehe.  See how much my kiddo is helping too?  I work while she eats yogurt.. nice.

Happy New Year everyone!!! :)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Before I forget!

I'll try and do a better Christmas update with pictures later this week but want to post this memory before it gets outta my head!

I was describing someone to my grandma and said, "she's not fat, she's not skinny... she's average... about my size actually."

Then I stopped... did I just say that?  About myself!?

I'm average.. to myself!  YAY!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I'm still alive!

Sorry for being so scarce guys!  With the rush of the holidays and life in general I haven't even had a free few minutes to post!  I'm just posting to say HI!  My weight is up at the moment.. not much but enough to make me irritated, lol.  I'm up to 219 or so.  Work in progress.. that's me.  I've upped my cardio to 3 times per week (with the trainer) and one strength session per week.  That should see a budge in the scales.

Then you have to factor in the mass amount of cookies I produced yesterday and then I just need... prayers LOL!  I plan to give most of them away and take them to gatherings so we should be ok but for now they are in my house.  I did manage not to taste (m)any doughs while making them and I didn't even have a single finished cookie until an hour after they were ALL done.  I made SIX different treats!  Five HOURS of baking.  OY!

Have a very merry Christmas and I will hopefully post something more helpful, and/or band-related soon! :)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Family pictures and a fun email!

We had our family holiday photos (and C's 5 y/o pics) taken last Saturday and I posted the proofs to my photo site.  My aunt, Jane, saw them and forwarded a couple along to my grandma.  This is the email she sent to me and I'll follow it with a couple of the photos we had done.

"Jane sent me your new pictures & they are beautiful, boy. you are really looking good there.  That weight is sure coming off.  Stay warm & drive carefully.  Love ya"

Wasn't that fun!? <3 Love that lady, lol.  She knows how to give a good pick me up, for sure!

This is the photo we chose for our cards.  Along with a shot of Cadence by herself.

These aren't going where I want them to go, LOL.  Anyways, this is to stay accountable.  I don't particularly love this shot but it shows my whole body (mostly, I guess) and it also shows my kiddo's adorable skirt!  I chose her outfit and my outfit around that damn thing!  It's silver toile (no clue how to spell that but tells me that is the correct word and meaning!) and I paired it with a red shirt and ivory cardigan, hooded.  While I have no adorable skirt I am wearing dress pants in a twill material and a red shirt with ivory cardi.
Then we have a few cute ones of my bub :)

Are these really going to post side by side!!!  *gasp*  Well, here she is, my beautiful girl.  We had her hair curled for cheap at one of those walk-ins allowed salons and she absolutely loved that!  And, for $16 why not!?

The last one is the non-holiday pose the photographer did with us.  They all turned out about that great with Cadence only half smiling or smirking so we didn't purchase any of those.  She is a fantastic smiler so I was VERY disappointed that the photog couldn't get her to freakin' smile for ONE of the FIVE shots she took in this same pose.

And just one more for the day... I feel like I all I do is brag about how cute my kid is.. but that's what proud mamas do!! :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

My Beautiful Girl!

Cadence had her Christmas show for dance yesterday!  It was a Polar Express theme and they had an older gentleman read the story of "The Polar Express" in between dances.  It was beyond my expectations of a holiday dance (a benefit even, the studio didn't make money from this show!) and was just phenomenal!  Here's Cadence's performance and some pictures from that day.  Enjoy :)  I'm so proud of her I could burst.

Mommy and Cadence before her show

Pretty girl's stage makeup.  She was so excited about her lips!

Blurry first position pose :) but you can see her whole outfit :)

That's enough bragging for the day, I think! :)

Friday, December 4, 2009

Pysch Visit

Yesterday, I had a visit with a wonderful health psychologist.  I spent an hour laying it all out there and man did that feel good.  He listened for a good, long time and then asked some questions.  After he was done listening he drew the above diagram.  It's called Transactional Analysis.  He said it's old but so is he, hehe.  I could actually really relate to what he told me with this!  Basically, when I'm all "I want that candy and no one can stop me" it's acting in my child state.  When I'm rational and think it through like, "I don't need that candy cuz it's gonna go straight to my ass" that's my adult state.  And, when Chris is all, "you can't have that candy because you told me to stop you..." that's him being my parent and I hate it! LOL!

This is a public blog so let's face it... my parents have the potential to come across it.  So I'm not going to spill all my baggage out there but, basically, I was a REALLY good kid and I had a VERY strict step-mom.  I think she'd admit to that much, I hope.  I never did drugs, never drank, never partied.

In the opinion of EVERY psychologist I've seen for any reason they've all told me that I grew up too quickly.  The psych yesterday thinks I am nurturing the child state of me because I didn't get enough time to be completely in the child state.  If I'm twisting his words around a bit you'll have to forgive me because there was a LOT of information to take in during our session.  So he suggested I try to nurture my child state in different ways than food.  Think about it... what are one of the ways you nurture a child?  You feed it.  I feed my child state a wee bit too much and too often! :)  He suggested I try to figure out what my child state needs.  This could be done on my own by journaling (helloooo blog world) or by seeking professional help.  He, being a psychologist himself, of course recommends that I see someone.  I agree with him but just don't know where I will fit it into my schedule.

I told him something he really liked too.  I told him I was worth the time and money (if it costs and isn't covered by insurance) to take care of myself.  I've already spent a LOT of money to get this band so why wouldn't I take whatever necessary steps to further help myself since it appears I need it?!  I will NOT fail myself OR this band.  I refuse.

Ahhhh.  You gotta love a good psychologist session! :)  You know what else I love?  My blog ladies!  You were all SO supportive of my last post and I had tears with each comment that came in.  I am SO thankful!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Revelations at the Nutritionist's

I've been procrastinating coming here to blog this.  Then, I got to thinking how supportive and wonderful you all are and I know you won't judge me or hate me... and if you do, well, that's not nice!

I saw Diane, the nutritionist, for my 6 mos post-op visit.  I'm 7 mos post-op but I had to reschedule with her since her daughter was sick last month, you may recall that story.  Anyways, she asked the usual questions about my daily menu and all that.  Then I confessed (as I had been planning to do) that I have been eating a lot of junk.  She asked if it was more or less than pre-surgery.  I said about the same.  She asked if left to my druthers would I eat all junk food.  My answer, of course, was yes.  She fell silent for a bit.  She looked me squarely in the face and said, "The band is working."  I started in with my buts and she interrupted with, "The BAND is working."  She fell silent again and then she said, "you look like you might cry."  And cry I did.

She assured me that the band is doing what it needs to do and I need to remember the rules, battle some old dragons still hanging on and seek some additional help.  She set up an appt for me with the health psychologist and recommended the guy who has worked with food longer.  I see him tomorrow at 9 am.  Thank goodness for my wonderful husband who is going to stay home with the girls (our girl and the one I babysit) while I go.

She reminded me that the band is there to decrease hunger and I told her I am hardly ever hungry.  (Truth!)  Then the band is there to limit what I eat and if I eat the right foods it does that.  I am not doing that though and I need to have a bit of extra help battling some old dragons that are still hanging around.  She cried with me, said she was a sympathy crier and she couldn't help herself.  She reassured me that NO ONE is judging me or talking poorly about me.  They want to help me and they just think a fill is the wrong way to go right now.  So, I canceled my fill appt (for yesterday) and instead made tomorrow's appt for the health psych.

She asked me if I heard her say that I had failed.  I said yes.  She said that is NOT what she said.  She said the dreaded phrase, "it is what it is."  (I HATE THAT!)

So basically, I have head hunger like no other and I need some help tackling that still.  I'm going to need your support more than ever as I try to overcome whatever issues I am keeping tucked inside.

I love you ladies.. you're all the best.  Thanks for sticking with me.  I can do this.  I said myself that there's no sense in looking back so I'm not going to tear myself apart and criticize how I did this.  I'm going to look ahead and do what I can... improve upon my situation and take care of myself. :)

There are some ups in this.  I'm trying to see the positive to keep positive.  I have maintained, and not gained, my weight for several months.  I am still exercising four times a week with a trainer and we are about to change up our schedule to put in more cardio and do less strength until I lose more weight.  I have gone down in clothing sizes and gotten to where I have no clothes... yes, this is a plus!  I hated all my not stylish clothes and I can't wait to replace all that stuff with new, trendier clothes!!

So that is that.  It is what it is.  LOL!