I've been procrastinating coming here to blog this. Then, I got to thinking how supportive and wonderful you all are and I know you won't judge me or hate me... and if you do, well, that's not nice!
I saw Diane, the nutritionist, for my 6 mos post-op visit. I'm 7 mos post-op but I had to reschedule with her since her daughter was sick last month, you may recall that story. Anyways, she asked the usual questions about my daily menu and all that. Then I confessed (as I had been planning to do) that I have been eating a lot of junk. She asked if it was more or less than pre-surgery. I said about the same. She asked if left to my druthers would I eat all junk food. My answer, of course, was yes. She fell silent for a bit. She looked me squarely in the face and said, "The band is working." I started in with my buts and she interrupted with, "The BAND is working." She fell silent again and then she said, "you look like you might cry." And cry I did.
She assured me that the band is doing what it needs to do and I need to remember the rules, battle some old dragons still hanging on and seek some additional help. She set up an appt for me with the health psychologist and recommended the guy who has worked with food longer. I see him tomorrow at 9 am. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband who is going to stay home with the girls (our girl and the one I babysit) while I go.
She reminded me that the band is there to decrease hunger and I told her I am hardly ever hungry. (Truth!) Then the band is there to limit what I eat and if I eat the right foods it does that. I am not doing that though and I need to have a bit of extra help battling some old dragons that are still hanging around. She cried with me, said she was a sympathy crier and she couldn't help herself. She reassured me that NO ONE is judging me or talking poorly about me. They want to help me and they just think a fill is the wrong way to go right now. So, I canceled my fill appt (for yesterday) and instead made tomorrow's appt for the health psych.
She asked me if I heard her say that I had failed. I said yes. She said that is NOT what she said. She said the dreaded phrase, "it is what it is." (I HATE THAT!)
So basically, I have head hunger like no other and I need some help tackling that still. I'm going to need your support more than ever as I try to overcome whatever issues I am keeping tucked inside.
I love you ladies.. you're all the best. Thanks for sticking with me. I can do this. I said myself that there's no sense in looking back so I'm not going to tear myself apart and criticize how I did this. I'm going to look ahead and do what I can... improve upon my situation and take care of myself. :)
There are some ups in this. I'm trying to see the positive to keep positive. I have maintained, and not gained, my weight for several months. I am still exercising four times a week with a trainer and we are about to change up our schedule to put in more cardio and do less strength until I lose more weight. I have gone down in clothing sizes and gotten to where I have no clothes... yes, this is a plus! I hated all my not stylish clothes and I can't wait to replace all that stuff with new, trendier clothes!!
So that is that. It is what it is. LOL!