Rockin' it Out!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Revelations at the Nutritionist's

I've been procrastinating coming here to blog this.  Then, I got to thinking how supportive and wonderful you all are and I know you won't judge me or hate me... and if you do, well, that's not nice!

I saw Diane, the nutritionist, for my 6 mos post-op visit.  I'm 7 mos post-op but I had to reschedule with her since her daughter was sick last month, you may recall that story.  Anyways, she asked the usual questions about my daily menu and all that.  Then I confessed (as I had been planning to do) that I have been eating a lot of junk.  She asked if it was more or less than pre-surgery.  I said about the same.  She asked if left to my druthers would I eat all junk food.  My answer, of course, was yes.  She fell silent for a bit.  She looked me squarely in the face and said, "The band is working."  I started in with my buts and she interrupted with, "The BAND is working."  She fell silent again and then she said, "you look like you might cry."  And cry I did.

She assured me that the band is doing what it needs to do and I need to remember the rules, battle some old dragons still hanging on and seek some additional help.  She set up an appt for me with the health psychologist and recommended the guy who has worked with food longer.  I see him tomorrow at 9 am.  Thank goodness for my wonderful husband who is going to stay home with the girls (our girl and the one I babysit) while I go.

She reminded me that the band is there to decrease hunger and I told her I am hardly ever hungry.  (Truth!)  Then the band is there to limit what I eat and if I eat the right foods it does that.  I am not doing that though and I need to have a bit of extra help battling some old dragons that are still hanging around.  She cried with me, said she was a sympathy crier and she couldn't help herself.  She reassured me that NO ONE is judging me or talking poorly about me.  They want to help me and they just think a fill is the wrong way to go right now.  So, I canceled my fill appt (for yesterday) and instead made tomorrow's appt for the health psych.

She asked me if I heard her say that I had failed.  I said yes.  She said that is NOT what she said.  She said the dreaded phrase, "it is what it is."  (I HATE THAT!)

So basically, I have head hunger like no other and I need some help tackling that still.  I'm going to need your support more than ever as I try to overcome whatever issues I am keeping tucked inside.

I love you ladies.. you're all the best.  Thanks for sticking with me.  I can do this.  I said myself that there's no sense in looking back so I'm not going to tear myself apart and criticize how I did this.  I'm going to look ahead and do what I can... improve upon my situation and take care of myself. :)

There are some ups in this.  I'm trying to see the positive to keep positive.  I have maintained, and not gained, my weight for several months.  I am still exercising four times a week with a trainer and we are about to change up our schedule to put in more cardio and do less strength until I lose more weight.  I have gone down in clothing sizes and gotten to where I have no clothes... yes, this is a plus!  I hated all my not stylish clothes and I can't wait to replace all that stuff with new, trendier clothes!!

So that is that.  It is what it is.  LOL!


  1. I am convinced that NOBODY becomes MO without "issues" that need to be worked through. I say kuddos to you for being honest and meeting it head on. I wish I had conquered my own demons 10 years ago instead of waiting until my late 30's to do it. GOOD FOR YOU!!

    - Shannon

  2. Tiff~ HUGS! Girl you are struggling with the same things I am. The nutri was right tho, she never said you failed, b/c you haven't. Keep your chin up and punch the next person that tells you our dreaded phrase! LOL

  3. Hang In there! This is a big step and I hope the DR you meet with can help you.

  4. I love it when you come back from you NP bc you always make such a great post. I like her and dont even know her. Head hunger is a bitch. It really is. What I think is so important about your post is that it reminds people that the band can only do so much. I remember when I was eating like poopy months ago and everyone said I needed a fill...but I didnt really. You can eat like crap even with great restriction. Even when you arent hungry. This is the one big downfall with the band (vs bypass), but I think the con it outweighed by all the pros. THank you for being honest and I hope you will share (if you wanna) a little about what the psych says. CUZ we ALL need help!

  5. Ack - that bloody head hunger will the be downfall of all of us - you're not alone feeling this one, Tiffany.

    We all go through stages and at least your appointment with the NP made you face it head on.. it's one thing to know you're giving in to it and another to be faced with it head on. I feel for you. But you know what - to me, fessing up that we are doing something we know we shouldn't (or don't want to be doing.. aka feeding the head hunger) is always a huge step in the right direction and you are going to kick this one square in the keister!

    Congrats on being so honest and we will NEVER judge you because you know what.. it's probably going to be us doing the same next week and we will look to you for solace.
    Cara xxx

  6. Thanks for the post, I know it is from the heart and soul. You will conquer this, just keep at it, whatever it takes. This is a journey and it seems that everyone's is a little different. We need you as much as you need us! (((( ))))

  7. I am so right there with you only worse. I know my band is working, I get stuck often and PB a lot when I eat non band friendly foods. I got on the scale yesterday and I've gained, a lot. I've been dealing with depression and I know that's part of it but it's not an excuse or a license to eat crap all the time. Ugh. Let me know how your appt goes and please pass along any pointers!!!!!!!

  8. Tiffani - My sister and I were just talking about this the other day. We have issues with food and I know that for me it's not going to go away just because I have the band. I have only been banded one month and my mind still wants everything I was eating before surgery...every single day. And because of that I struggle every day. So I am right there with you. I completely understand where you're at and I'm so happy for you to be getting the mental/emotional part addressed. I may be looking into this route for myself shortly.

  9. I really appreciate your honesty in your post, I could relate to SOOO much, keep up your spirits and if you feel like you can't or don't want to.... we are still all here :)

  10. Tiff 1st off I want to send you a cyber hug because contrary to scoulding you the truth is that what you did was be incredibly strong and brave. Think about it in the past you probably would've hidden this behavior and gone down the road that gets you no where...BUT instead you had the B@&&S to admit it and address it. Listen you're ONLY 7 mos out and have done phenomenal, compared to the number of years that you spent doing the opposite. So in my opinon you've already conquered the hard part and I have total confidence that you'll shortly put the little pieces in the order that they belong. This is a journey and not a race and your pace even if it sway a little back n forth is what you need to get you where you want to be and where you deserve to be which is simply fabulous !!!