Coming out of hiding.. with semi-bad news

Well, I am the same as everyone (most..) else and I hid when something was wrong.  *hangs head in shame*

I went in for another fill today and went armed with a speech to give.  I was ready to fight for myself and was VERY happy to find out that I didn't have to.  My nurse practitioner (NP) came armed as well.  She talked to my surgeon last night about me and they have a plan for me.  I was ranting on and on about how I'm gaining weight and it CAN NOT be all my fault.  I exercise 4 times a week and recently added in boot camp classes when possible, too.  I drink only water and milk (before meals or between as a snack) and until very recently have been following eating guidelines quite closely.  Only "until recently" because I have been feeling SO down that I've been stuffing my face with junk.  I admit this though.

My NP just nodded and sat there looking awfully sympathetic.  When I finally shut up and let her talk she told me their plan.  I'm to get an esophagram as soon as possible.  They said they have ruled out all other possibilities and are ready to look into more serious problems.  She expressed to me that they do NOT think this is my fault.  They think something is wrong with the band.  She said one of two things are likely at this point: 1) the band slipped up around my esophagus, thus, creating no pouch.  or 2) the band slipped down further or some of my stomach has prolapsed through the band.  Again, this problem would have made a larger pouch.

Both issues would explain the urge to look for food all the time and my seemingly insatiable appetite lately.  The first issue would explain why I feel some "stuck" feelings sometimes when I eat (but they pass quickly.. like a clogged drain) and why I get the hiccups when I take a drink while eating or eat too quickly.

So.. this continues the saga of Tiffani. :(

IF one of these proves to be true there is one solution.  Surgery.  I'm self-pay, in case you forgot.  I asked if the surgeons would donate their time or some such to help cut down on costs and she said she didn't know because I was the first person she knew of this being a possibility for since working there (she started in August).  She said it was definitely worth exploring though if we need to.

The NP sat with me for probably 30 minutes.  Our appt was a 15 minute time slot.  She had tears in her eyes right along with me when I sat there taking this all in.

Obviously, I got no fill.  I will be called soon to schedule my appt for that test and we'll go from there.  She said our next step would be to look for a leak but they really don't think I'm showing signs of that happening.

I would have so many decisions to make if this (any of this!) is the case... remove the band, replace the band, reposition the existing band.... UGH UGH UGH :( :( :(  I hate this.

Did I mention I'm 5 lbs away from weighing what I weighed on my date of surgery?  Yeah.  Something's wrong.