Rocking the Band!

How would you pronounce this name?

2010-08-14T18:52:00.000-07:00

Yeah, like I said... How do you pronounce this name?

EVERLEIGH

Helloooo friends!

2010-04-20T12:55:00.000-07:00

HI! It's me, Tiffani.. remember me? :) For those not following my pregnancy blog you probably thought I just fell off the face of the planet! :) I'm here!

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today and "officially" (as in, according to my ultrasound) due on November 9. That happens to be the day after Cadence's birthday in case you were keeping track. I'm feeling good!! A lot of sleepiness but even that is going away with time and I'm starting to be able to get out of bed before 9 am again. YAY!

I EAT though... man do I eat! I still get hung up on foods like bread and chicken just like before which was a surprise to me. I was under the impression that once your band is empty you can eat like pre-band. NOT TRUE! This was a pleasant surprise for me though really. I'm maintaining my new weight nicely. I eat far less than pre-band. I am trying to behave since I am diabetic and need to be good. My numbers just tell my doctor if I am eating well or eating like crap so I really need to control myself, lol.

My year bandiversary is coming up in 2 days. Crazy. I doubt I'll do a whole post on it since I'm up in weight from a year ago... sort of depressing but then again when you think of the outcome.. not so much! :) I'll just start over after my bub is here safe and sound. No big deal! Totally worth it.

I'm going to Chicago for B.O.O.B.S if I'm allowed by my doc. I'm going to ask her next week just to double check. I live 2 hours from Chicago but I know I got some paperwork that told me not to "travel" 2 months before delivery... so I'll just check. I don't think a 2 hour jaunt qualifies as "travel" personally. Ramona made my day and asked me to be roomies. I was feeling a bit self-conscious about going, honestly. I feel like I'm going to be the fat girl!!! BUT COME ON!!! Time to cut myself some slack, no? For some reason I feel like I don't fit in with you banded girls but I AM still banded. I just have to get over those stupid insecurities, I guess.

Anywho! I just wanted to drop a note to say hello and catch everyone up. :) I'm still reading everyones blogs and will probably start following more from the BOOBS trip to get to know some more ladies before Sept.

I'm empty, along with some drama!

2010-03-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

I went in yesterday to have my band emptied. Apparently everyone that becomes pregnant in our clinic gets their band emptied in the first trimester sometime. She hit my port on the first try and it was beyond simple. She pulled as hard as she could (her words) and retrieved 4 ccs from my band. FOUR CCS!!!!! I was supposed to have 10.5 in there. Then there was speculation that maybe the first fill didn't make it in... so then I should have had 7.5 in there. Either way, that's not FOUR! Where the HECK has 3.5-6.5 ccs gone!!!????

The NP was going to talk to my surgeon today and see what he thought. She also emailed the band representative who is the Realize correspondent for our clinic. Well, guess what? She's on maternity leave!! :) Cute. So the message was forwarded to someone who isn't familiar with my situation so the NP is going to have to tell him the whole story all over again. We'll see what they think happened in there.

Also, I can start getting refilled after breastfeeding is well established so as to not interfere with my milk supply. She suggested 3-6 mos after the baby is here. I think we'll be saving our pennies to by another package to get fills and appts paid for for a year. It's about $2100-2200 for a year. I'll need that after baby. IF we can figure out what's up that is.

She mentioned not thinking there was a leak because the fluid that came out was not a funny color. Not sure what that means or what color it should be (red perhaps from blood?) but that's what was said.

I posted my first pregnancy post on that blog. I'd love to have all of you follow there if you're interested!!

EEK! Time to get unfilled...

2010-03-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

I finally reached my NP on Friday and told her about being pregnant. She said I needed to come in and get unfilled. I'm going to leave in a bit more than 30 mins!! I'm nervous to see what happens when I get unfilled. I don't feel like I have much restriction but I know I *some* and I'm not looking forward to losing that little bit of help I'm getting. They said if I still feel symptoms like I have the band then they want to still look further into if the band has slipped. If it's like it's gone then they'll wait until after my pregnancy. Obviously I hope I can wait.

I'm also looking forward to seeing what is actually in my band, cc wise. I'll let you all know when I get back.

Here's what I came up with!! :)

2010-03-01T12:01:00.001-08:00

The baby blog! I'll make my first post soon but if you want to follow, there is the link!!

See you there! :)

5w0d

2010-03-01T09:09:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies! :) Just wanted to warn you all that I'm planning to make a pregnancy/baby blog. I kept an online journal with Cadence and printed it off to put in her baby book. I'd like the same thing for this baby too. I don't want to print off all my band blogs too so I'm going to separate the two for the time being. I'm 100% certain that I'll be posting periodic band updates and that I'll be back after baby trying to make this work out for me once again.

I haven't made one yet but when I do I'll post a link so anyone that wants to can follow along. I will also have family and friends following since I will share that link with them as well.

So let's see. The back story behind getting pregnant is simple. I stopped taking BCP's and our first official month of trying was back in December. That was before anything was considered "wrong" with my band. So, we fell pregnant on our third try. Of course, that was the one month I didn't FEEL pregnant and the month that they finally told me they thought something was wrong with my band. *sigh* Oh well, wouldn't trade a blessing like this for anything! :)

I took a test the morning of my big upper GI to see the band placement because that was supposed to be the first day of my AF. I took it at 3:30 am and went immediately back to bed after I realized how early it was. Well... OOPS... 3 hours later I look at that test and it's positive. Uhhhhh, now what? I canceled the test at the hospital just to be safe but really still assumed that I wasn't pregnant. I figured it was just sitting out too long and was a false-positive. I went in to the regular doc later that morning for a BP check (normal, btw) and asked for a pg test. They took a urine sample from me but I had just gone maybe 2 hours before. The test was negative. I was sort of bummed but also knew that I was really early, had just peed, and there was still a possibility that I still was. I went straight to Walgreens and bought a pack of 3 digital tests. Took one the next morning at 2:30 am (what's with me, I know..) turned away from the test to burn some time, turned back and it said what I showed you all in that picture, "Pregnant." I stared at it sort of waiting for the "not" to appear before that word. Thought it might flicker on and off like an old hotel sign or something. Alas, it stayed "pregnant" for the next 24 hours.

I couldn't very well just sit on that info alone. I nudged Chris a few times. He assumed I was trying to get frisky. MEN. So I used that to my advantage and told him, "quit trying to take advantage of your pregnant wife!" Well, that was enough. He was up on his elbow, blinking his eyes, asking "seriously?" We wound up staying up until 4:30 am talking, giggling and just being generally ecstatic about telling people and sharing the news with Cadence.

We've since told all of our family. I'm not the type that can keep secrets like that in! Cadence has hugged "the baby" every morning and is SOOOO excited! She wants a sister but she said it would be ok if it was a boy because she knows you can't choose. What a sweet girl. She's in an anti-boy phase right now so I'm really surprised by that grown up comment.

I feel generally fine. My breasts are heavy feeling and overall sore but that's about the only thing. I'm tired but really not any more than usual, yet. I'm sure things will get more intense as I get a little farther along. I'm just 5 weeks along today, as the title was to suggest. I have a few appts next Monday at 6 weeks. Chris' insurance changes April 1 and I have an appt for that day to meet my new doctor and hopefully hear a heartbeat in there! :) Exciting stuff!

That's about all the goods for now! I'll be back when I think of a clever title for a baby blog!!! :) Any ideas?!

Oh, as always, thank you guys for the tremendous amount of support you've given me through all of this. I am always so overwhelmed and surprised by it and I'm not sure why at this point. It should just feel natural but it still makes me feel so special and cared about! :) Thank you so much!!!

How's this for a mysterious post?

2010-02-27T10:42:00.000-08:00

Instead of going to find out what was wrong with my band on Wednesday, I got a positive pregnancy test and had to cancel. X-rays are bad for babies! ;)

There's more to that story but I don't have time to post it.. but I do have a picture of what I saw on Thursday morning. :)

I'll post the entire story really soon. But to sum it up... I still don't know what's wrong with my band and now I won't, possibly, for another year. We are thrilled and can't wait til Fall! :)

Happy Valentine's Day AND 100 followers!! :)

2010-02-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all my 100 followers!!! Wow, who would have thunk that one!? :)

On to regular news... I scheduled my upper GI for February 24th at 8 AM. It's at the hospital in Madison and I'm pretty much super excited to get it done so I can, hopefully, have some answers.

Along those lines, I'd like to say THANK YOU to everyone that commented on, or even just read, my blog entry about all this mess. I think a part of me expected all of you to bail on me because I feel like I'm not a "real" bandster for some reason. I have a band, yes, but it's not working properly. Hopefully one day I'll have things up and running correctly and I'll get to utilize all the wonderful information you ladies have taught me. In the mean time, if anyone knows anyone else in my shoes, send them my way! I'd love to be able to help someone. That would really make me feel better.

We had company Saturday. My BFF, Leann, came to visit from Indiana. She brought her fiancé and son (who happens to be 3 days older than my daughter) as well and we had a great time! We went to bd's Mongolian Grill for dinner and then followed that up with some tubing at Cascade Mountain. What a fun night!! We got there with about an hour and 15 minutes left to tube and we took advantage until we were icicles. They stayed at a hotel (for reasons unknown to me, we have a spare room and plenty of extra space) in town and came back for breakfast this morning. I cooked an egg casserole-y thing and we had fresh fruit and toast with it. They had another destination in Wisconsin today so they left before noon.

I got on my computer to play around and then went up to cuddle in bed with my family (they were watching movies in bed) and promptly fell asleep... for 3 hours! LOL! It felt great to catch up on sleep though. We stayed up until midnight last night doing wedding projects and talking. She also brought my bridesmaid dress along. I've mentioned the dress in a past post. It FIT! :) I felt a little compressed in the upper abdominal area so there needs to be a little hard work to improve that. I'll be doing a lot of dress adjustments during the ceremony so I need to be able to MOVE, lol. I'll post pics (she took them) when I get them! :)

Hope everyone else had a fabulous weekend! :)

Coming out of hiding.. with semi-bad news

2010-02-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I am the same as everyone (most..) else and I hid when something was wrong. *hangs head in shame*

I went in for another fill today and went armed with a speech to give. I was ready to fight for myself and was VERY happy to find out that I didn't have to. My nurse practitioner (NP) came armed as well. She talked to my surgeon last night about me and they have a plan for me. I was ranting on and on about how I'm gaining weight and it CAN NOT be all my fault. I exercise 4 times a week and recently added in boot camp classes when possible, too. I drink only water and milk (before meals or between as a snack) and until very recently have been following eating guidelines quite closely. Only "until recently" because I have been feeling SO down that I've been stuffing my face with junk. I admit this though.

My NP just nodded and sat there looking awfully sympathetic. When I finally shut up and let her talk she told me their plan. I'm to get an esophagram as soon as possible. They said they have ruled out all other possibilities and are ready to look into more serious problems. She expressed to me that they do NOT think this is my fault. They think something is wrong with the band. She said one of two things are likely at this point: 1) the band slipped up around my esophagus, thus, creating no pouch. or 2) the band slipped down further or some of my stomach has prolapsed through the band. Again, this problem would have made a larger pouch.

Both issues would explain the urge to look for food all the time and my seemingly insatiable appetite lately. The first issue would explain why I feel some "stuck" feelings sometimes when I eat (but they pass quickly.. like a clogged drain) and why I get the hiccups when I take a drink while eating or eat too quickly.

So.. this continues the saga of Tiffani. :(

IF one of these proves to be true there is one solution. Surgery. I'm self-pay, in case you forgot. I asked if the surgeons would donate their time or some such to help cut down on costs and she said she didn't know because I was the first person she knew of this being a possibility for since working there (she started in August). She said it was definitely worth exploring though if we need to.

The NP sat with me for probably 30 minutes. Our appt was a 15 minute time slot. She had tears in her eyes right along with me when I sat there taking this all in.

Obviously, I got no fill. I will be called soon to schedule my appt for that test and we'll go from there. She said our next step would be to look for a leak but they really don't think I'm showing signs of that happening.

I would have so many decisions to make if this (any of this!) is the case... remove the band, replace the band, reposition the existing band.... UGH UGH UGH :( :( :( I hate this.

Did I mention I'm 5 lbs away from weighing what I weighed on my date of surgery? Yeah. Something's wrong.

Questions stolen from everyone!!

2010-01-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

Had a VERY busy weekend as seems to be our usual. Makes the week come up on us way too quickly. This Friday I'm seeing my therapist again, finally. Really looking forward to talking to her about my food journal and see what kinds of things she can offer me. Also, Friday we're going to see Monster Trucks, lol. Hubby got free tickets and we got a big group together to go. Saturday we're going to see RENT!!! YAY, can't wait. It's my first time seeing it so I'm super excited.. love the theater!

1. What time did you get up this morning? Alarm goes off every weekday at 7:15 am

2. How do you like your steak? Medium

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Lovely Bones, good book, good movie!

4. What is your favorite TV show? Biggest Loser, Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Modern Family... oh my. I DVR EVERYTHING though.. watch it when I'm free.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I suppose I *could* live anywhere in the world but I choose here... Madison, WI. My family is close enough and far enough away for comfort! :)

6. What did you have for breakfast? Leftover breakfast casserole (sausage and eggs) that we were sent home with from FIL's bday party.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Japanese! YAY sushi!!

8. What foods do you dislike? Onions. BLECH. I CAN taste them even when you say I can't, too.

9. Favorite place to eat? A good sushi bar or steakhouse, I suppose.

10. Favorite dressing? Raspberry Vinaigrette or French if that's not an option.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Chevy Trailblazer, 2007, Red, mine. Chrysler 300C, 2008, black, hubby's.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Basic stuff.. jeans with a solid or lightly patterned top. Cami with a sweater, etc. I'm a simple girl.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? I would love to see so many places!! Australia, Switzerland (been there once, it's beautiful), Mexico, sooo many more!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Full

15. Where would you want to retire? I'd love to have a winter home when I retire, somewhere warm. Then still live in this area spring through fall.

16. Favorite time of day? When the hubby comes home for lunch! :)

17. Where were you born? Racine, WI

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Baseball

19. Bird watcher? Nope

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? I prefer to see sunlight than dark so I suppose morning but I don't wake up nicely. ;)

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Not at this point.

22. What did you want to be when you were little? A teacher. Still want to!!

23. What is your best childhood memory? Spending weekends at my cousins' house on the lake. Swimming, ice skating, 4-wheeling...

24. Are you a cat or dog person? 100% cat person. Grew up with dogs but I just don't like their smell and maintenance LOL.

25. Are you married? Yuppers! 09/03/05 was our big day!

26. Always wear your seat belt? Always. Always! ALWAYS!

27. Been in a car accident? Once, by myself. Hit a tree on the first snowy day of the year when I was 18... been scared of snow driving ever since. :(

28. Any pet peeves? Pouty lip self-portraits. We know you think you're cute, get over it.

29. Favorite Pizza Toppings? hawaiian pizza! canadian back w/pineapple!

30. Favorite Flower? roses, red :)

31. Favorite ice cream? I'm not a huge ice cream fan but when I get it I like mint chocolate chip.

32. Favorite fast food restaurant? Noodles & CO. or Wendy's

33. How many times did you fail your driver's test? none

34. From whom did you get your last email? Becky :)

35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target or a home store where I could remodel my entire home!

36. Do anything spontaneous lately? pfft.. nope.

37. Broccoli? w/cheese please! or plain with dip.

38. What was your favorite vacation? Probably one of the three trips to Las Vegas... I love seeing theater shows and seeing the sights!

39. Last person you went out to dinner with? Chris' brother and his gf

40. What are you listening to right now? SIRIUS Hits on the tv... Cadence turns it on randomly throughout the day to dance for the baby we watch. Baby loves it, LOL.

41. What is your favorite color? Pink!

42. How many tattoos do you have? 3

43. Coffee drinker? Yes please but it has to be drowned in flavors, can't be "coffee flavored" if you know what I mean. I like fancy coffees like cappuccino and lattes.

HAHA, I whine for no reason.

2010-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

I realize now that there are many reasons to be unfollowed. Perhaps they started a blog or thought about it and then it wasn't for them and deleted the account all together. I know who my real people are and I follow them closely and I hope not to lose any of you!!! :) Dumb post... I'm over it!

Anyways, I'm up two extra followers this morning, haha. YAY! I loooove my followers!! If there's anything anyone wants to know, feel free to ask! :)

Things are going well here. I hurt my back last night somehow. I had personal training this morning and she basically just helped me stretch my back out and did some light, light exercises that wouldn't hurt it too much. I'm running like a fiend lately. Fiend in my definition is WAY more than I ever thought I would be running. I guess I really never pictured myself running at ALL but I'm so glad I am.

Cadence is going to a water park hotel with her BFF's family tonight. We are dropping her off after her gymnastics class and then we'll be free! ;) We're taking advantage and going to dinner with friends tonight. We have reservations at a great steakhouse. Tomorrow we'll be relaxing and enjoying our alone time until she gets back. Then Sunday we'll go to Chris' dad's house to celebrate his birthday, they're cooking us brunch.

Hope all of you have a fabulous weekend!! I'm planning on it! :)

Eek, I'm being unfollowed! :(

2010-01-21T19:35:00.001-08:00

Sorry, to all my blog peeps if I suck at blogging!!!! :( I try to blog as often as I can about interesting stuff. I also do my best to read and comment on as many blogs as I can. I read ALL the blogs I follow and just don't always comment to save time for reading.

Hope I didn't offend someone or any crap like that. What a poopy feeling to be unfollowed!! LOL... and how ridiculous, too, that I had to make a whole post about it!!

I have been sick again but I have a NSV to share!!

2010-01-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

I have been sick with some nasty cold or something. I have a ton of buildup of post-nasal crap in my throat. I cough and cough all night trying to sleep and get it out and then during the day my nose drips all the day long, lol. I'm a disgusting mess!

I did, however, want to share my NSV that I had recently. I have been taking my daughter to Kindermusik since she was just a couple of months old. It's a music class that involves the parent/caregiver a whole lot. This week we did a song where we have the kiddo on our laps and then fall back so the kid's on our chest/stomach and we throw our feet in the air! Well, we've been doing this in class forever and I could never get back to a sitting position without pushing off the ground with my hands. Keep in mind my daughter hasn't gotten any smaller.. she's 50 lbs now. I did it! :) I rolled back up to a sitting position with Cadence on my lap still and did NOT have to push off the floor!

So what does this say? I've gotten MUCH stronger! In the beginning of classes (when C was only a few months old) I would blame my c-section... cuz you know, they cut through those muscles. That can only go on for so long! Now, I managed to do this fun thing with my daughter and not just once but THREE times! I was smiling for a long time after that! :)

Help out a friend?

2010-01-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Hi guys! :) A wonderful, real-life, friend of mine has a daughter in a photographer's contest over here.. http://kileyephotography.blogspot.com/ so if you feel so inclined to vote PLEASE do! You can vote for anyone you'd like but my friend's daughter is number 10 so that would be extra helpful. I'd love to see her win this!! :)

Thanks for all your help!! It's a close call right now but she's in the top 3 at the moment!!!

Way past due!

2010-01-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

Good grief I am a slacker! I haven't even caught up on all of your blogs since Monday but I will get there, I promise! I wanted to post about my week so far since it's been eventful! :)

I decided to call on Monday to schedule a fill. I was up to like 225 point something and I was starting to look for food all day long. I knew it wasn't in my head. Fancy this, they had an appt available on Tuesday! I took it!! I went in a bit ashamed. My blood pressure was high and they were asking me what was up since they could tell from that that I was nervous. I explained that I was afraid I was going to be talked about behind my back at the clinic. How this crazy girl has 9+ cc's in her 9 cc band and she wants more.. HA! What a nutcase!! Kristen, the NP, reassured me that "nutcase" is not the phrase they use to describe me. LOL. She told me that she talked to my surgeon and the only conclusion they can come to is that the very first fill must have been subcutaneous since the first fill is hardest since they can't pull any fluid back to know they're in the port since there's NONE in there to pull back. I've brought this up before but it's quite reassuring to hear again. She also said as long as the band is allowing fluid she will put more in. She said she's had people where the band will physically NOT allow more fluid to be pushed in. The plunger on the syringe will go back up and fluid goes back into the syringe. Interesting. So she said we'd baby step me up from here on and she'd give me a 1/2 cc. FINE! :) She does the fill and tells me that the fluid went in very easily and there was no resistance coming back at her. Then she sits down at the computer and gives me this look... uh oh! She said, "I actually gave you 1 cc." I could tell by her look... "accidentally?" I asked. "Yes.." she said, "we got to talking and I just wasn't thinking and put all of what I had in." She always has a bit of extra in her syringe so she has some to work with. We had a serious talk about side effects of being too tight and she sent me off. I even admitted to her that I was a bit excited to see the results of this fill.

Well... she called me the next morning. She said after we talked she was worried I wouldn't tell her if I was too tight. I admitted to wanting to feel some of the side effects of being too tight just because I never have so she was understandably worried about me. I reassured her that I wasn't holding back and that I was doing fine so far. I have taken it easy so far and haven't eaten anything too crazy like chicken... although I will consider that today.

I have noticed I'm feeling full sooner and for a longer period of time. Last night I had 3/4 of a chicken patty (not the same texture as a chicken breast.. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to) and some broccoli and I was STUFFED! I had tater tots on my plate that had to be saved for another time. BTW - this is NOT a normal dinner but I worked until 8 and stopped at the store to cook something I could eat pronto since I'm starving when I get home from work. They only take 15 mins in the oven. Also, I left the bun off. I have no problem eating bread but I noticed I was getting full off the broccoli so I figured I'd better take the bun off so I could eat more of the meat.

Not sure if I blogged about my psychologist visit on 1/1/10. I started seeing a long-term psychologist on Friday, the first. She is on vacation now (of course! :( ) but she gave me a sheet to track all my food on each day. It really has kept me accountable to myself. I go to eat that handful (or bag!) of chips and I'm like, "am I gonna want to write that on my sheet?" Then I go on to ask myself what else I can snack on why I even need a snack. It's really great to look back on as well.

I hate making such long blogs because I feel like no one's going to read them but that's what is new with me! Oh and my weight is back down to 221.2. Considering it was at 225ish last week that's pretty darn ok with me! I'm about 8 lbs from my low thus far. That was when I had the flu too so it's not an "official" low I guess.

Anyways, 8 lbs til I'm at my lowest weight ever! :)

A few Christmas pictures

2009-12-29T14:14:00.000-08:00

This is me with my coworker, Michelle. This was taken at our Christmas party. I thought it was not only a cute picture of the both of us but we match!!! Funny. :)

Me, being ridiculous Christmas morning. Cadence picked out this scarf for me. She told me she got me a scarf but I was surprised about what it looked like at least! :) She did well!

I spent 5 hours baking cookies the Sunday before Christmas. Here I am with the results. We still have plenty left after bringing a ton to Grandma's and having guests. We'll be taking some more with to the NYE celebration we're attending. Everything here was a tried and loved recipe except the cookie with the mint M&M on top and they will be permanently added to our list of cookies!

This totally cracks me up! See the little hand on my water? See the look on my face? HAHA! I am forever telling her to ASK before she takes my beverage and Chris happened to catch "the look" on camera. TOO FUNNY!

Cadence is apparently not wanting her picture taken. This is her with her cousin, my nephew, Dante. He is 6 (SIX!) and weighs over 100 lbs. :( My sister needs to buy him adult sized clothes and she hems MEN's pants for him to wear. I feel so bad for him. All the kids were wrestling with the bigger kids and he broke a sweat... like a REAL sweat. My kid plays hard and I have never seen her sweat like that, ever. Makes me sad. Also, my sister is forever defending how he got this way. "He doesn't eat a lot." etc... umm yeah, saw that in action this weekend. In fact I have a photo of him chugging Mountain Dew. REGULAR mt dew. :( Enough about that.

I'll end with this one. I just loooove how fabulous and shiny my hair looks. Hehe. See how much my kiddo is helping too? I work while she eats yogurt.. nice.

Happy New Year everyone!!! :)

Before I forget!

2009-12-27T18:40:00.001-08:00

I'll try and do a better Christmas update with pictures later this week but want to post this memory before it gets outta my head!

I was describing someone to my grandma and said, "she's not fat, she's not skinny... she's average... about my size actually."

Then I stopped... did I just say that? About myself!?

I'm average.. to myself! YAY!

I'm still alive!

2009-12-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry for being so scarce guys! With the rush of the holidays and life in general I haven't even had a free few minutes to post! I'm just posting to say HI! My weight is up at the moment.. not much but enough to make me irritated, lol. I'm up to 219 or so. Work in progress.. that's me. I've upped my cardio to 3 times per week (with the trainer) and one strength session per week. That should see a budge in the scales.

Then you have to factor in the mass amount of cookies I produced yesterday and then I just need... prayers LOL! I plan to give most of them away and take them to gatherings so we should be ok but for now they are in my house. I did manage not to taste (m)any doughs while making them and I didn't even have a single finished cookie until an hour after they were ALL done. I made SIX different treats! Five HOURS of baking. OY!

Have a very merry Christmas and I will hopefully post something more helpful, and/or band-related soon! :)

Family pictures and a fun email!

2009-12-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

We had our family holiday photos (and C's 5 y/o pics) taken last Saturday and I posted the proofs to my photo site. My aunt, Jane, saw them and forwarded a couple along to my grandma. This is the email she sent to me and I'll follow it with a couple of the photos we had done.

"Jane sent me your new pictures & they are beautiful, boy. you are really looking good there. That weight is sure coming off. Stay warm & drive carefully. Love ya"

Wasn't that fun!? <3 Love that lady, lol. She knows how to give a good pick me up, for sure!

This is the photo we chose for our cards. Along with a shot of Cadence by herself.

These aren't going where I want them to go, LOL. Anyways, this is to stay accountable. I don't particularly love this shot but it shows my whole body (mostly, I guess) and it also shows my kiddo's adorable skirt! I chose her outfit and my outfit around that damn thing! It's silver toile (no clue how to spell that but dictionary.com tells me that is the correct word and meaning!) and I paired it with a red shirt and ivory cardigan, hooded. While I have no adorable skirt I am wearing dress pants in a twill material and a red shirt with ivory cardi.

Then we have a few cute ones of my bub :)

Are these really going to post side by side!!! *gasp* Well, here she is, my beautiful girl. We had her hair curled for cheap at one of those walk-ins allowed salons and she absolutely loved that! And, for $16 why not!?

The last one is the non-holiday pose the photographer did with us. They all turned out about that great with Cadence only half smiling or smirking so we didn't purchase any of those. She is a fantastic smiler so I was VERY disappointed that the photog couldn't get her to freakin' smile for ONE of the FIVE shots she took in this same pose.

And just one more for the day... I feel like I all I do is brag about how cute my kid is.. but that's what proud mamas do!! :)

My Beautiful Girl!

2009-12-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

Cadence had her Christmas show for dance yesterday! It was a Polar Express theme and they had an older gentleman read the story of "The Polar Express" in between dances. It was beyond my expectations of a holiday dance (a benefit even, the studio didn't make money from this show!) and was just phenomenal! Here's Cadence's performance and some pictures from that day. Enjoy :) I'm so proud of her I could burst.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su4KwjClS94

Mommy and Cadence before her show

Pretty girl's stage makeup. She was so excited about her lips!

Blurry first position pose :) but you can see her whole outfit :)

That's enough bragging for the day, I think! :)

Pysch Visit

2009-12-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had a visit with a wonderful health psychologist. I spent an hour laying it all out there and man did that feel good. He listened for a good, long time and then asked some questions. After he was done listening he drew the above diagram. It's called Transactional Analysis. He said it's old but so is he, hehe. I could actually really relate to what he told me with this! Basically, when I'm all "I want that candy and no one can stop me" it's acting in my child state. When I'm rational and think it through like, "I don't need that candy cuz it's gonna go straight to my ass" that's my adult state. And, when Chris is all, "you can't have that candy because you told me to stop you..." that's him being my parent and I hate it! LOL!

This is a public blog so let's face it... my parents have the potential to come across it. So I'm not going to spill all my baggage out there but, basically, I was a REALLY good kid and I had a VERY strict step-mom. I think she'd admit to that much, I hope. I never did drugs, never drank, never partied.

In the opinion of EVERY psychologist I've seen for any reason they've all told me that I grew up too quickly. The psych yesterday thinks I am nurturing the child state of me because I didn't get enough time to be completely in the child state. If I'm twisting his words around a bit you'll have to forgive me because there was a LOT of information to take in during our session. So he suggested I try to nurture my child state in different ways than food. Think about it... what are one of the ways you nurture a child? You feed it. I feed my child state a wee bit too much and too often! :) He suggested I try to figure out what my child state needs. This could be done on my own by journaling (helloooo blog world) or by seeking professional help. He, being a psychologist himself, of course recommends that I see someone. I agree with him but just don't know where I will fit it into my schedule.

I told him something he really liked too. I told him I was worth the time and money (if it costs and isn't covered by insurance) to take care of myself. I've already spent a LOT of money to get this band so why wouldn't I take whatever necessary steps to further help myself since it appears I need it?! I will NOT fail myself OR this band. I refuse.

Ahhhh. You gotta love a good psychologist session! :) You know what else I love? My blog ladies! You were all SO supportive of my last post and I had tears with each comment that came in. I am SO thankful!

Revelations at the Nutritionist's

2009-12-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

I've been procrastinating coming here to blog this. Then, I got to thinking how supportive and wonderful you all are and I know you won't judge me or hate me... and if you do, well, that's not nice!

I saw Diane, the nutritionist, for my 6 mos post-op visit. I'm 7 mos post-op but I had to reschedule with her since her daughter was sick last month, you may recall that story. Anyways, she asked the usual questions about my daily menu and all that. Then I confessed (as I had been planning to do) that I have been eating a lot of junk. She asked if it was more or less than pre-surgery. I said about the same. She asked if left to my druthers would I eat all junk food. My answer, of course, was yes. She fell silent for a bit. She looked me squarely in the face and said, "The band is working." I started in with my buts and she interrupted with, "The BAND is working." She fell silent again and then she said, "you look like you might cry." And cry I did.

She assured me that the band is doing what it needs to do and I need to remember the rules, battle some old dragons still hanging on and seek some additional help. She set up an appt for me with the health psychologist and recommended the guy who has worked with food longer. I see him tomorrow at 9 am. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband who is going to stay home with the girls (our girl and the one I babysit) while I go.

She reminded me that the band is there to decrease hunger and I told her I am hardly ever hungry. (Truth!) Then the band is there to limit what I eat and if I eat the right foods it does that. I am not doing that though and I need to have a bit of extra help battling some old dragons that are still hanging around. She cried with me, said she was a sympathy crier and she couldn't help herself. She reassured me that NO ONE is judging me or talking poorly about me. They want to help me and they just think a fill is the wrong way to go right now. So, I canceled my fill appt (for yesterday) and instead made tomorrow's appt for the health psych.

She asked me if I heard her say that I had failed. I said yes. She said that is NOT what she said. She said the dreaded phrase, "it is what it is." (I HATE THAT!)

So basically, I have head hunger like no other and I need some help tackling that still. I'm going to need your support more than ever as I try to overcome whatever issues I am keeping tucked inside.

I love you ladies.. you're all the best. Thanks for sticking with me. I can do this. I said myself that there's no sense in looking back so I'm not going to tear myself apart and criticize how I did this. I'm going to look ahead and do what I can... improve upon my situation and take care of myself. :)

There are some ups in this. I'm trying to see the positive to keep positive. I have maintained, and not gained, my weight for several months. I am still exercising four times a week with a trainer and we are about to change up our schedule to put in more cardio and do less strength until I lose more weight. I have gone down in clothing sizes and gotten to where I have no clothes... yes, this is a plus! I hated all my not stylish clothes and I can't wait to replace all that stuff with new, trendier clothes!!

So that is that. It is what it is. LOL!

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late)

2009-11-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

I managed to not only lose 1.2 lbs since last week (still not at my low since surgery yet) but I also went to the gym today and doubled up on my training sessions!!! I managed a whopping FIVE sessions at the gym this week. I feel great about that and HELLO, that might have something to do with the loss this week :) I dig it, I do. :D

Had a fabulous time yesterday for sure. Ate my fair share of food (and yours, I'm sure) I won't lie but I worked my booty off at the gym today so I don't even feel the slightest bit guilty! Not gonna stress about that AT ALL. Why bother.. what's done is done! :) You can only move forward.

We got our tree up today and some other small decorations. We need to get to the hardware store tomorrow for some nails for some other things but I'm loving how it just fills up my home! Makes it so festive and happy. Not to mention the kiddo loves it all!

Got a bunch of online shopping done this evening. Didn't take advantage of many really huge sales but got the kiddo completely taken care of and I also bought for the hubby. I warned him he can't read the packing slip or he dies. I even went so far as to have his gift wrapped so he can't see it that way either! I'm excited :) I asked the fam for a bunch of new winter clothes. I'm a bit scarce on them!

Speaking of clothes... my band buddy Tracy hooked me up once again! She sent me a package of 3 sweaters recently and I actually wore one of them yesterday for Thanksgiving! :) It was an XL Ralph Lauren sweater, hooded with front pockets. It was soooo soft (rabbit hair) and I wore a black cami under it and it was perfect! The other two were lighter weight solid color sweaters. Both XL and I believe both Gap. They both fit gloriously! :) So happy to be in these "normal" sizes. :) :) :)

I rescheduled my fill for this coming Tuesday. I also see the nutritionist for my 6 month visit (a month late since she had to reschedule my actual appt) on Monday so I'll be a busy appt girl this week. I'm anxious to see what everyone has to say!!!

Well, that's about all the updates. I'll try and get some pictures of the holiday decor around my house and post those soon.

Lots of love!

BLECH!

2009-11-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

Soooooooooooooo. It turns out Chris decided to pass a kidney stone through his system today right around the time I was getting ready to leave for a fill. In case anyone doesn't know... stones are comparable to child birth apparently in pain. I had to drive the man to the ER and cancel my fill. I'm going to call tomorrow to try and reschedule for asap (maybe tomorrow??) and get that taken care of.

The good news is the man must have passed his stone through to his bladder since his sever pain stopped. They sent him home with a script for Vicodin and told him to strain his pee to hopefully catch the culprit and have it analyzed to see why he got it in the first place.

So that's that. No fill for me today.

Haircut, baby hairs, fills, oh my!

2009-11-24T07:32:00.000-08:00

Well, where to start?! I guess first of all, today is my fill at 3:45. I plan on really talking to the NP and asking her to be generous and let me deal if I'm too tight (not *really* but to give me more than .4 this time). I've never BEEN too tight so it's just hard to see that happening to me if that makes any sense. I sort of want it to happen to know that it CAN happen! That there's a green zone for me coming.

Yesterday, I ran into the salon and got a quick trim. Well, I suppose I scheduled it but she happened to have an opening yesterday so I scooped it up! I went at 4 and her next appt wasn't until 5 so she curled and styled my hair for free in between! Sweet! Here's a shot I captured on my laptop webcam.. so not that great. I also took it about 2-3 hours after so it was a bit flatter than it started. She knows I like volume so she always gives me big hair :D hehe.

Don't you just LOVE my wallpaper too? And the sleeping kitty? That's Rocky! This is where I normally sit while I'm blogging or on my laptop. The wallpaper has been here since before we bought the house and we've just not been troubled to take it down...even though we despise it. Sigh... it will wait.

Some good news.. :) As my stylist was cutting my hair she pointed out all the little baby hairs sticking straight up from the top middle of my head! YAY! My hair is growing back! :) I'd noticed that it stopped falling out but didn't notice these baby hairs until she pointed them out. Well, darn it if I couldn't stop talking about them after that LOL. I was so excited! :)

I'm growing my hair long for my BFF's wedding in May so I have something to style for the big day, lol. Otherwise I usually cut my hair pretty short or at least a bit different each time. This was just a trim :)

I'll report back in once I know what I got for a fill! I work tonight so maybe after work or tomorrow :)

Troubled

2009-11-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

I can handle a lot, I really can. However, I just looked at my weight excel spread sheet to see when the first time was that I got into this tens bracket. It was July 1... JULY! I have been struggling with this same 10 pounds.. HELL the same FIVE pounds since JULY! I weighed in at 217.2 this morning which is down from last week but up from my lowest weight. On July 1st, I weighed 220.0. Suckdog.

So... to not let this get me down TOO much, I called and made an appt for a fill and what do you know they got me in on TUESDAY! YAY!!! I'm really going to lay it out there and tell the NP all of this. Tell her I have about 5 more months of "free" fills in my self-pay package and I'm sick of weighing the same thing. I'm going to tell her to be aggressive and give me a freaking FILL and not a fill. I obviously need some more help unless I'm just one of those people that the band doesn't work for. I don't believe this to be true since I'm maintaining my weight and DO feel some restriction. Things are definitely different in how I eat as well. I eat MUCH slower and have to do so or I feel like I'm stuck for a bit. I get the hiccups if I stop thinking for a minute and take a drink too quickly after a bite of food (I have fessed up to taking one or two drinks (sips) while I eat). There are a lot of things! I am hardly ever hungry and that is GREAT! I just need some help with my food quantity and that means I need a FILL! Please!

I'm going to admit to being excited to be getting a fill before Thanksgiving too so I don't have the ability to pig out. I was a bit worried about my will power on turkey day!

That's that. I'm gonna get a fill and assume that's the only problem so I don't give myself an aneurysm and just keep truckin' along!

Happy Friday to you all!

Sarah's Bandster Quiz

2009-11-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

How long have you been banded? 6 1/2 months
What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 256 lbs not pregnant, pregnancy high was somewhere around 275 lbs/ 215 ish/ 30 ish
What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Cottage Cheese for sure!
What is your favorite protein brand/shake? Haven't found one that fits the bill quite yet!
What food do you miss the most now being post-band? I am a "lucky" bandster and haven't found anything that disagrees with my band or me.
What is your favorite "mushy" food? Mashed potatoes saved my mushy life!
What was your worst PB experience? I've had only one to date so I guess it was the "worst." Ate breakfast, followed it almost immediately with a small bag of doritos and up the chips came. Nothing too terrible if you ask me...
What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Probably not reaching that perfect restriction spot yet. I'm self-pay and $330 per fill is hard to swallow after my first year so let's hope I get there SOON!
What is your best NSV to date? Definitely shopping in "regular" stores!! Buying a "regular" winter coat this year!!!!
What is your top non-weight goal for your band? (top NSV maybe?) I'd like to get rid of, or reduce the amount of pills I take for, my diabetes.
What is your goal weight or size? Not sure on weight... size 10 sounds appealing to me though.
What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? I, like Sarah, have not had ANY soda since the psychologist told me to stop pre-surgery.
What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? I take the occasional sip of water/milk with dinner. I have to be careful or I give myself the hiccups if I drink too closely after a bite but I like to clean my palate.
What is your goal "reward"? I have not thought of this.. it just might be plastic surgery though, too. Tummy tuck, arm lift, boob lift... maybe more if needed.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? I am most thankful for my family who has supported me through every step of this process. :) <3

Good gravy

2009-11-13T11:18:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

Last week I was up 3 lbs or something... during the week I got 1 lb away from my low and thought woohoo, I'm gonna do this. Then today comes... weigh day. Yeah... yippee... not so much. I'm up ANOTHER POUND from LAST week! WTF!? Maybe it is just water weight I suppose but dang... where did THAT come from. I should be used to my weight fluctuating like this but it still hurts a bit LOL.

It'll go away quickly... I'll make it.

Saturday, 11/7, College Roomie's Wedding!!

2009-11-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

Saturday was another super busy day! We had guests for brunch on Sunday morning so we needed to prep the food and have it in the fridge overnight. Well, with a wedding in the evening we knew we had to get creative. We prepped everything and had both egg mixtures in the fridge and just poured them at the last minute when we got home from the wedding. So we spent the late morning/early afternoon doing prep work and cleaning up the house.

Our wedding was 2 hours north of here in Appleton. We opted to skip the ceremony. We NEVER do this because it's RUDE but we did this time because we didn't stay over anywhere and had nothing to do for the 2-4 hours between the ceremony and the dinner. There was an appetizers and cocktail hour that we did wind up attending as well but that was 2 hours of more waiting around... we wound up glad we skipped the ceremony.

Had a great dinner and cake and saw another of my roommates and two other people I knew from college as well. It was very nice!! Cadence LOVED it all. She wanted to invite the "girl in the white dress" to her birthday party, haha. She stared at her while she danced with her husband and then her father. She always wanted to know where she was. We ducked out at 9 pm to be home by 11 pm and mixed up our breakfast dishes and hit the hay!

Now on to the part that everyone loves... pictures!

ALLLLLL byyyy myself

Me (unflattering pose apparently.. blech!) with Nicole, my first college friend and sophomore roommate!

Me (in unflattering pose), Nicole, Stephanie - 2 of the 3 roomies sophomore year.

Chris and me :) Cute, no?

Friday, 11/6, Fluoroscopy

2009-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

I think I'll try and get a few different posts in today since I had a different activity, with photos, on Saturday and Sunday as well. So, before I have to leave for dance class (for the kiddo)... here it is!

Friday I went to the hospital for my fluoro. I was going to have a couple things looked at and possibly a fill. So the NP comes in with me and they get me all set against the table, standing up. The radiologist took a few pictures to make sure she was lined up properly and once I was we looked at my insides... it was much like Catherine's photo on her blog actually... you can see it here. The NP explained that my band was in the right place and at the right angle. She pointed to my port and my upper and lower stomach(s?). I breathed a small sigh of relief just knowing my band was where it should be.

Then they handed me that cup of stuff. Thick... white... fruity-tasting... not bad at all! I told them it was almost good and they all snapped their heads and said "NO ONE has ever said THAT!" LOL Leave that to me, I guess. It's not what I want to be drinking on a daily basis but it was NOT what I expected at all. So anyways... the contrast (barium) wasn't bad. I took some into my mouth and when the radiologist told me to, I swallowed. Then we all watched on the screen and saw it go down. Here's what it was like... WHOOSH! LOL. Yeah... so the NP was like, "you need a fill." My response was, "ya think?" There was no reflux (another thing she was checking for) which is great and I just need a bit more help getting my stoma smaller.

So then she proceeds to try to give me a fill while standing so they don't have to lower the bed back down (remember, I'm leaning against the bed, standing up). I raised my arms above my head and she went at it. The pricks don't hurt me at all so I don't ever get lidocaine. The scraping against my plastic port is what drives me up the wall. She missed... and I started to get clammy instantly. I was sweating and gritting my teeth. The radiologist was asking me if I was ok over and over. The NP then decided to try it laying down after all but the rad. didn't want to let me off the bed for fear of me passing out so she lowered the bed with me on it! FUN! I said, "Whee, this must be what space camp is like!" LMAO, wtf, Tiff??

So I'm laying down and she restabs me to try to hit the port again and again no dice. One more stab and still no dice. She was talking about paging the surgeon at that point but the rad. took a picture and the NP was able to see where the needle was in comparison to my port and she made it in! She gave me a small fill and then, with needle still in, they stood me back up. They handed me the cup and watched it go down again. WHOOSH! Now, I'm not a rad. or an NP so I couldn't really tell wtf it was supposed to look like. This is liquid after all. So she says, you need a bit more and added some more. Again, swallow, whoosh, repeat. This time however she said it looked good and we pulled the needle out and it was over. She explained what she saw though was that it went in, hung up above the band a moment and then went through... just what you want to see. So off I went after they insisted I sit down and breathe a bit. I explained I was fine and it was just the grinding, bone-scraping feeling inside that I hate. She said she understood since it is a part of me now.

Anyways, sorry if that was long-winded. I wanted to outline what happens in case someone else needs/wants to get one. Not scary at all, not any more painful than a normal fill.

So moral of the story: I'm 6 mos out of surgery and I still might need a few more fills. I'm perfectly normal! It's ok if I go overfull a bit. You don't actually ever know what's in your band because even if you pull it all out at each fill you can't ever get it ALL out. I could have gotten a sub-cutaneous fill at some point and my fill count could be off.. you just never know.

So that's it, ladies! No problems/complications for me! (yet.. knock on wood)

Sweet Pumpernickle!!!!

2009-11-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

Dear gawd, I gained 3 lbs in a week. Freakin' Halloween candy... good thing I ate it all so it can no longer taunt me.

Getting my fill under fluoro this afternoon!!! I will hopefully be back sometime this weekend to post about it but we have a BUSY weekend ahead again. A wedding tomorrow which is 2 hours away. Then Sunday is Cadence's birthday and we have several different activities planned for that! :) YAY!

Have a great Friday and a great weekend all! Back on the wagon I go!

A few different things to say

2009-11-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

I wanted to thank you all for your kind words on the "anniversary" of my mom's death. You really managed to make me smile and I appreciate that. I smiled through the tears thinking of how happy and proud for me she must feel. At least that's what I hope!!

Also, the guy that killed her... I don't know too much about him because I was so young and my dad doesn't talk about it a whole lot. I do know that he went into a mental institution for a while and was released. That's what happened to 17 y/o's who wanted to kill themselves at that point in time. His name is David Braun so he has a VERY common name and I've looked him up before but there are tons of people with his name so he could be anywhere, doing anything... or he could be dead. I have no clue and I, honestly, no longer care. For a long time I wanted to punch the guy in the face or something.. just something. I'm long over that.

--------------------------------------------

On a completely different note! :)

I went to the gym this morning for my cardio session with my trainer. We do 20 minutes every Tuesday and are going to be bumping that up to 2-3 times a week and just 1-2 strength sessions instead of 3 strength, 1 cardio. I need the cardio at this point so I've gotta change things up. Anyways... in the beginning of training, a few months back, I was lucky to get to one mile during my session. It slowly went up each week and our goal was always to get a little farther than the previous week. Last two weeks have been right around 1.25 miles. Well, this week I got to 1.3 miles and BOY did it feel great! We started jogging at around 5 minutes in and before that we were doing a fast walk. I've never started running so soon in the session either.... man.. it just felt good all around :)

Well, I posted about it on facebook this morning and darn it if one person didn't tell me that I inspired them to work out today! THEN, another friend chatted me up on facebook and said she was inspired too and was going to go change and work out right then! And then she changed her facebook status to thank me for inspiring her!!! She spelled my name wrong (dammit) but I won't fault her too much for that. I'll blame my dad... he named me.

I'll leave you with a photo of my bambino in her Halloween costume at dance last week. This is how she was supposed to look on Halloween too but it was too cold and she had to wear a coat under her costume and she wound up looking like a chubby version of this ;) LOL. She's a "midnight fairy" so says the costume packaging.

Oh and the hubby did her makeup! Love him!!

One busy week down... another left to go!

2009-11-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

Last week was a bit chaotic for me in this house. My parents came to stay the night on Friday and I was feeling like a chicken with my head cut off trying to clean and get ready for them to come. They have only stayed the night at our house one other time.. when my kiddo was born almost 5 years ago now. Otherwise they stopped at our house on a tour de Christmas one year when they stopped at all their older kids' homes. So yeah, busy!!!

I managed to pull everything off though and I was happy with our mini-visit! I had suggested making dinner and all my ideas were tossed out the window because my little brother (he still lives at home and goes to college) is lactose intolerant. My mom suggested KFC for dinner since they don't have one by them. Done. They even bought. Soooo, I made breakfast instead! I made two different casseroles/bakes. One was an egg and sausage dish and the other was a french toast with pecans and blueberries dish. Both turned out great and everyone went away full and happy! :) Success! I didn't say they were healthy but they impressed the fam!

I'm making them again this coming Sunday morning. Sunday is my kiddo's 5th birthday and I'm having the inlaws over for brunch. I'll do these two dishes, fruit and MIL (mother-in-law) is bringing pumpkin muffins. Of course, we'll also have some sort of birthday cake.. maybe coffee cake or something since her official party is at 1 that afternoon and we'll be doing cake there.

Her kid/official party is at 1-3 at Animart. A few of her closest friends will be there and they'll get a tour of the pet store and then there will be a pinata and cake and presents. Good times. It will be a crazy weekend though, yet again. Not to mention the wedding we're attending on Saturday that is 2+ hours away. It's my college roommate and I don't want to miss it though so we'll make do. :)

OK on to band news!!

I got a phone call from the NP this morning and I have a fluoro scheduled!!! I am going in THIS Friday at 2 pm!!! I am sooo excited! Either I'm going to find out something is wrong or I'm going to get a fill and both excite me... even the problem part. If there's a problem, at least I'll know and can take steps to fix it.

A question for all of you...

Anyone ever heard of a pressure fill? The girl I "met" on LBT that has the same issue I have (can eat anything, no pb's, same band, needed to be overfilled to get to the green zone) said her doctor performed a "pressure fill" on her and had some sort of gauge on the fill needle and filled her to a good pressure instead of going by the number of cc's in her band. I mentioned this to the NP and she hadn't heard of it. I asked her to look into it but she hasn't mentioned it. I'm just wondering if I should be asking for something more specific.. maybe I'm not using the right terminology?? So if anyone knows anything, I'd be very appreciative.

Off to get some laundry done for the week!

Quick Post :)

2009-11-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

This afternoon Chris and I spent some time outside raking the yard and leaf blowing. While we were lugging the tarp full of leaves around to the front of the house I mentioned that my pants kept needing to be pulled up. I said, "When I was fat I never had this issue." Chris just hmphed and then I said, "Wait, did you hear what I just said? That first part??!! WHEN I was fat!"

It was then that I realized a small part of my brain thinks I'm no longer fat!!! What a great victory!!! I will eventually win over all of my brain and oh what a happy world I will live in!!

Oh and... what a workout raking is!! Whew!!

Bad Blogger

2009-10-28T09:49:00.000-07:00

I've been avoiding my blog much for the same reason that Amy mentioned. It gets hard to talk about getting back on the wagon all the time, she said. Well, same here. I've got this band issue going on and have no future fills scheduled... or room for a fill for that matter. They are supposedly working on getting me a fill under fluoro but I haven't heard from them since Friday. I hate to be a nag so I'm planning to wait til this Friday before calling them to see what the status is.

Friday I was supposed to have my six month follow-up with my nutritionist (oh yeah, six months was the 22nd) but she called a couple hours before and said her daughter had a fever and she had to go pick her up. I was so bummed... I was totally ready to lay it out there and tell her how I've been eating (like crap) and ask for help. But.. alas... I can wait, I have to wait!

Last weekend my family met up with my longest, oldest friend and her family. I've been friends with Sarah since the 3rd grade and we each have a husband and a child now. It's been since her baby shower since I saw her though so it was awesome to finally meet her kiddo. We took a series of photos together to get a good shot of us two ladies with our kids and this one was in the mix... I had NO clue my kid was doing this...

This was on our camera but a similar one showed up on Sarah's camera and she posted it on facebook. I thought.. hmmm check me out, I don't look so bad! I don't feel like I'm a size 70 million next to Sarah's size 2... or whatever that twiggy girl is! :) Love her! I do have to do something about my lifeless hair though... not sure what, any ideas?

Anywho, thanks for hanging around... I'll post when I have more news. Weight's still the same but that's to be expected when I can still eat the way I do... ick! ;) It'll change soon, I know it.

Story telling

2009-10-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Those of you on my Facebook already know this but today is the "anniversary" (isn't that supposed to be a happy day???) of my mom's death. I think of her often but the day of really throws me for a loop as far as thinking goes. I'll share with you all how she died....

When my mom was 24 she had 3 young kids at home. My brother was 5, sister 3 and me, 13 mos. She sold toys at those home parties as a side job and was out doing that one night. Another kid, 16 years old, was driving the opposite direction and had already decided to commit suicide. How did he choose to kill himself? Well, he drove head-on into my mom's car. My mom died, of course. He suffered a "possible" broken nose. Really, POSSIBLE! That's it. I don't generally wish harm on people but he was the one that wanted to die, not my mom.

So that's that :(

Thing is... being a parent and wife now makes things totally different. I think of how my dad must have felt when he was told his wife was gone. He got a phone call to come to the hospital "right away" and they told him when he got there, after he dropped us kids off with his parents (I think, I only know these details from stories other people told). I think of how *I* must have felt when all I wanted was my mom and she never came back (even though I know, as a baby, I really didn't care for long). It's rough. It makes me cry today to think of it. I think of what SHE is missing out on as a parent, grandparent, and wife. I think of what MY daughter is missing out on from her being her grandma.

We looked a lot alike too, my mom and I. My older sister is blonde and blue-eyed. I am my mom's twin with more of her Japanese features... dark hair and eyes, and our body shape is similar as well. I wish I had more pictures scanned in to show you guys... let's see if I can dig at least one up to share. All of the pics I tried to share "failed" to upload! Grr!!! I'll try again in another blog. It's comforting knowing I look like her... I don't know why but it is.

Anyways, today and every day I miss my mom. I know she'd be proud of me though and I know we'd be best of friends if she were still here. Oh man, here come the water works again! I'm such a sappy mess. I do, however, believe that I will see her one day. I'm excited for that day :) (but it can wait!).

Mom and Dad on their wedding day :)

I see myself in this shot... I can picture a goofy side of her here!

Friday, checking in

2009-10-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

It's pretty late here already but I napped this afternoon, thank goodness. First things first.. my weight stayed the same from yesterday which means I'm counting that loss... 31 lbs down, WOOHOO! :) The scale moved at last :) I'm thrilled to be so close to another number range too :) Soon I'll have a weight beginning with 20- and I can work on getting to that goal of ONEderland!!! :)

More big news though in our house. Everyone is sick. I've got this cough hanging on from the flu that you really need to cough HARD.. from your TOES kind of cough and then NOTHING comes out. A very NON-productive cough. I called the nurse about it today and she said it's the signature symptom of the lovely H1N1 that I appear to have. :(

Bad news number 2. The hubby appears to have this same nagging cough but is staying on top of his tylenol and kicking the fever's butt, quickly.

Bad news number 3. Cadence had a bout with croup last night. She has had this for four times in the last year now. We were given chewable steroids to keep on hand and thank goodness for them! We ran out though so we head into the doc this morning and she gave us a new script for them and $50 later and we're set in case it happens again. :( For those non-parents or people not in the know... croup makes your airways swell and when you breathe in it sounds like a squeak because the air has just THIS much room to make its way through. Plus, when you go to cough you sound like a barking seal. This is the signature symptom of croup. We're pros at this now though and went to her immediately with the steroids and she chomped them right up. She slept in my bed then with Chris in the guest bed. Emphasis on SHE slept in my bed. Wasn't any sleeping for this mom as she was breathing pretty funky and I just wanted to make sure she WAS breathing. Hence, my nap this afternoon! :) She was quite a sad story though... telling me she didn't like this (pointing to her throat) and said she didn't want it to happen anymore. Poor thing. Makes a mama miserable! :(

So keep us in your thoughts as we all recover this weekend. Hopefully by Monday we'll all be back to normal. I'm tired of being sick!!!

Feeling better, losing weight!

2009-10-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I knew I'd see weight loss with being sick but as my lovely husband pointed out... I have NO vomiting and NO diarrhea so all that's happening is that I'm eating less and eating healthy. So what do you think? Shall I count this weight loss? LOL. I'm at my lowest weight yet, 212.6 and 31 lbs down since surgery!! I'll take it :D

Fever's been gone since about 6 pm last night and all I need to do is kick this cold and congestion and I can't stop sneezing and my nose is like a faucet so I'd imagine it's gonna be gone soon. HOWEVER, the hubby's coming down with it now... blech!!

Please forgive me...

2009-10-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

I have been faithfully reading and try to reply but, ladies, I have the flu. It is a nasty nasty bug and it can leave quickly and quietly NOW. Monday I noticed I had a new sort of cough.. it was HARD and hurt and wasn't the cough I had just gotten over which was residual from my sinus infection. Tuesday I took my kiddo to dance and came home and started shivering! Took my temp - 100.8. Hmm... better send the 3 mos old home that I watch! Took Tylenol and off came my clothes as I sweated it out. It got to 101.4 before I sweat it out. I went to bed early and woke up at 2 am moaning and shivering. The hubby grabbed the thermometer, tylenol and a water for me and yup... 102.0. Took the pills and couldn't fall back asleep until I sweated it out again which happened rather quickly.

Called my PCP today and they diagnosed me over the phone... flu. They called me in a prescription of Tamiflu and I've started that today. Just finished sweating out my fever for the third time and had to change my shirt because it was soaked. It's a good feeling but MAN it sucks at the same time.

So hang in there while I recover. I'm still reading. Don't think poorly of me for not commenting very much. I'm mostly just vegging on Facebook or watching a lot of tv. I bet I'll lose some weight out of this, lol. Ever the optimist.

Out of Pocket Adjustment Fee

2009-10-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

I found out last night, also, that for a self-pay patient their discounted price for a fill appt/adjustment is ... ready for this? $330

Good bunch of info after the support group meeting!

2009-10-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

Forgive the rambling as I try to spew this information out of my brain before I forget.

So... last month at the meeting the new NP was going to be meeting with the band rep and be asking about my situation (for any newbies: I have a 9cc band and have 9cc's in it). She was going to first ask about logistics... i.e. does the tubing count towards my 9 cc count of is there an additional couple cc's to fill due to that. Answer: yes, the tubing is included in the 9 cc count and thus.. I have a full band according to the fill counts. The NP next asked what the rep's take on removing all the fluid to see what's in there was. Answer: she doesn't recommend it. Apparently my band has different regions (what the NP used as terms to get me to understand) and when you add fluid slowly it settles into the right areas but when you remove it all and force it into the band all at once and quickly, then it can settle into all the wrong places and make me extremely filled (read: too tight) or not filled enough but a full band.

What does all this mean for me? The rep said she thinks I'm a good candidate for getting my next fill under fleuro. This makes me VERY happy that they are taking this seriously and I'll get to see what's going on in there and they can make the decision on what the deal is. The NP wants to make sure the band is positioned properly and that there are no leaks. She also said perhaps one or more of the fills went into my subcutaneous layer and not into the band, thus making me not as full as I think.

Hopefully this made sense for everyone. If it didn't, ask me questions! I'll be happy to clarify. Basically now, the NP is working with the program director to see whether my self-pay funds will cover this or if I can just pay the difference between a regular fill and a fleuro fill. Either way, it sounds as though I'll be heading to the hospital to get a fleuro fill done in the near future and I couldn't be happier to be getting some STRAIGHT answers from this new NP. She's my new favorite lady, I think! :)

I seriously feel SUCH relief just in getting these questions answered. My band is officially full UNLESS they missed the port on one or more of my fills. That is ok with me because I KNOW now... it's good to be in the KNOW! Ahhhh, sweet relief.

Also, thank you all for the support. This has been really hard on me emotionally and you have all been there for me encouraging me to keep going and keep on truckin'. I appreciate the crap out of all of you, each and every one!

Weigh Day

2009-10-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

The scale gave me the middle finger again this morning... it's that time of the month and I *know* it's water weight because I craved (and ate) all things salty this week. However, I went back to a weight I haven't seen since July 31st according to my excel sheet. I know I'll get it off with a little bit of extra water drinking over the weekend.

Tonight, Chris and I are going out to dinner sans kiddo for his birthday, which is Sunday. He chose Chinese food as I knew he would. We have a favorite place that we both thoroughly enjoy but hate taking the kiddo to. We usually wind up with carry out from there but figure tonight we can go and enjoy ourselves. They have the BEST fortune cookies. :)

Sunday, for his actual birthday, we're going to brunch with his family and then having everyone back here for cake and ice cream. I ordered a cake and it was too late for a custom cake but she offered me one of the two they had in the freezer... omg. I couldn't have come up with this cake on my own! It's a layer of chocolate, a layer of strawberry cake and then a layer in between of chocolate mousse. Then, as if THAT isn't enough, they split the strawberry cake and put a layer of fudge in between it... :-0 Dear gawd! Top all that with buttercream frosting and white chocolate shavings of course. Oh man, just send me a ticket to a diabetic coma after that enters our home... DAMN!

I have a feeling this will be a bad food weekend... I think I better add an additional day at the gym next week. ;)

Overdue, just an update

2009-09-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

Hellloooooo my lady friends (and any stray males out there)! I'm feeling tons better today, rarely even coughing but it's still hanging on for dear life in there! I still sound hoarse sometimes but it's definitely going away. Ya know what? Good riddance!

I've been to the gym Monday and today and plan to go tomorrow and Thursday instead of Friday. The hubby has an early morning meeting so I would have to skip so instead of skipping (which is mighty appealing - to get to sleep in an extra day!) I swapped days. Good Tiffani! Today I walked/ran 1.24 miles which is .01 less than last week. My trainer makes up the program that I run each time though so I'm not worried about it. I sweat a bit less than last time which is a good thing I guess... means I'm getting used to it. My trainer told me a couple times how "fit" I'm getting. She mentioned she was getting sweaty at one point and took off her fleece sweatshirt she was wearing, lol.

A few things I wanted to address. A couple posts ago I shared a wedding picture and you all thought I looked super young!!!! What the heck, that totally goes against my thinking that I look younger now!!! LOL Let's see if I can dig up a different wedding photo to share here... nope, none on this computer apparently.

I got a new bra! I sucked it up and walked into Victoria's Secret and grabbed they're largest size, 40DD, and it fit... sorta. I have to tuck the girls in just so but I figure with a good amount of time I will fit in it just fine! It's a biofit bra, in case anyone wondered and I love it. I love that it's got tiny straps and that my girls still sit where they need to. Also it makes me look skinnier, lol... take a look at the side by sides of my girls, fun fun, I know.

top pic is old bra, bottom is new :)

Last thing I wanted to address was my skinny leg issue... wtf. Why are my LEGS so much thinner than the rest of me. It's like I lose in my legs and no where else, lol. I'm not "complaining" but I'm complaining. :D Here is a picture that Chris accidentally took of my legs when he was snapping a picture of the kitties when I was posing for the above pics (which also double as my 5mos pics but I didn't give them their own post because I'm not uber-thrilled about my progress).

The rug is not always askew... I move it for pictures, lol.

I've gotta head off to work in about 20 minutes and I'm not dressed for work so I better go find something to wear and head out. Hope you're all having a good week so far!!

Weigh Day

2009-09-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I face the music and I'm down .5 lb! I'll take it :) Not down to my low but .4 lb from there so I'll take it.

This morning at the gym I doubled up on workouts to make up for missing two days from being sick. I'm finally feeling better this morning (been sick since Monday night.. I mean DEATH warmed over sick lol) and we did our regular strength session and then went right into a cardio session. We do 20 minutes and the further distance I've gotten was 1.17 (or .19...) and today I went 1.25 miles!!! I sweat so hard I had a sweat "necklace" down to my boobs!!! I have NEVER!!! I was impressed with myself and felt vile all at the same time. When I showered after I used cold water but it still felt warm because I was so HOT! I sweat for a little while after my workout too, just pouring all that sickness OUT... it felt great. :)

Today, once the kid wakes up, we'll get ready and head out to pick up her little friend. She's soooo excited to see her, they are BFFs. We're going to go downtown to the children's museum and grab some lunch. We have a cute little tshirt to give to her friend. Her bff's bday is 10/5 so we picked it up and I'll take a picture of them together wearing their matching tshirts and give her a framed shot of that picture. Cadence will like to have a copy in her room, I know that. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! Mine's looking up! :)

Clarification and more thoughts on the dress

2009-09-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

Turns out the bride, my BFF, made an "executive decision" after seeing the sizing charts and ordered me a 22 instead. I knew I was just inches from fitting into it but I couldn't get the "what if" thoughts out of my head and went with the 24 anyways. I know better, I'll fit in the 22 and I'll still need it brought in 6 sizes ;) They said they can bring it in any number of sizes so I'm not bothered getting a bigger size at this point.

Here's the thing. I started my WLS journey at a size 24 and had surgery wearing a 22. I once wore a 26 at my heaviest. Am I wearing any 24s now? NONE. I recently shipped any remaining size 24s off to a newly banded blog buddy :) Am I wearing 22s? No... 20 - nope... I'm in an 18. Firmly. I don't get any muffin top with an 18 and, for the love of god, I can breathe in them... comfortably. I'm an 18!!! I have 16s in my closet but I get some mean muffin top and I'm not quite ready for those pups yet.

I'm done beating myself up over having to order a freaking bridesmaids dress in a bigger size. I know I'm not a 22 or a 24... I know better. 'Nuff said.

Oh and since we all love pics.. here's a relatively unattractive picture of me from the side with my kiddo. We rode on the "Ducks" in Wisconsin Dells. They used to use them in the military and they go on the land and in the water. Fun stuff.

Ewww... dress fitting

2009-09-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

I'm matron of honor for my BFF's wedding in May. I just ordered my dress over the phone since I live in Wisconsin and BFF lives in Indiana. I had to give the gal my measurements over the phone so she could determine what the best size would be to order. Well... way to make my day depressing. My bust measurement fits in the size 22 category and my waist and hips fit in the 24 category. She asked if I wanted to go with the 22 and I couldn't bring myself to do it because WHAT IF I stay these same measurements and I don't fit? There's no exchanging, there's not enough time for that so I went with the 24.

All I can think is that I better look damn good when they have to bring that dress in 6 sizes.

The only reason I'm mulling this over so much (because I KNOW dress sizes are weird) is because apparently the other bridesmaid wears an 18 (pants) and she fits in the size 18 dress. How unfair is THAT?

Let's top off this already depressing post, shall we? It's raining something fierce, I got a cold last night and I can't breathe, and when I called in to work they said so had everyone else and basically guilted me into coming into work sick. When you compare my sickies to theirs they win since I have congestion and they have the flu. Blech!!!

Oh, one happy bit of info. Today is my 5 month bandiversary.

ETA - work called me back and told me not to come in, yay!

The Scale Spoke to me too...

2009-09-18T09:30:00.001-07:00

... it said, "F*ck you, Tiffani."

I gained 2 lbs since last week. I know my body and I know I'll be back down TOMORROW but still, frustrating.

Ugh.

Another fill and support group

2009-09-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

me with my bub, 9/3/05

Yikes, check that photo out. I've been meaning to post true before pics for some time now but I kept putting it off when I'd look at the photos. I am truly embarrassed with how I looked. I was supposed to be at my most beautiful moment.. my wedding. Ugh. My kiddo says it best in the picture, "pfft!"

Yesterday I went in for another fill. It had been 6 weeks since my last visit and I felt like I could use a small one to control my portion sizes a bit better. I got an asshole of a doctor though. I've had him once before and was disappointed but couldn't get in with my surgeon so I just opted to see this guy instead. Well, I asked what would happen when I reached "full" status since I was so close and he said, "we'll reassess when we get to that point." I told him, "I don't like that answer." I didn't... I like details, it's just how I work. He snorted at me and said, "well I don't know what you want me to say." Then he proceeded to tell me that the band doesn't work for everyone and all this bullshit (pardon me, I'm still a bit burned). I was so angry!!! Anyways, the NP that was shadowing him gave me my fill and I asked how much I got and he said, ".5 cc." I said, "so I'm full?" He said, "pretty close!" UGH!

Well, at the support group the NP sat in on our band group and she told me that the doctors DO NOT prime the band (I had been told they do) and so I technically have 2-3 ccs left from the tubing to fill. So if you do THAT sort of math I might only have 6-7 ccs in my band. That doesn't sound so unreasonable... 9 ccs, that sounds like a lot. I guess I'll learn more soon.

that's me in the middle with a college roomie (left) and a friend

Doesn't my face look like it's about to explode? I honestly feel like I look younger NOW... 7 years later. So anyways... support group was helpful as usual but there were a lot of newbies in there too which always means less time to talk about the real issues because they have beginner questions... there needs to be a separate group for them.

Last night we went grocery shopping and I got things to make yogurt/fruit/granola for breakfast. Not sure what to call that... a parfait? I had it this morning and on the yogurt container it said a CUP was a serving. HELLO, if I put fruit and granola in that cup of yogurt I'll burst, lol. It was delicious though.

I'll look for a few more before pictures to share with you all really soon. :)

Family photo from October 2008... a year ago. I've come a long way :)

(ETA - I did space out my post but something is going wrong when I click post so sorry for how this reads if it doesn't fix itself.)

Clothing sizes

2009-09-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

I always love when someone asks me a question in my comments area because then I have a topic to blog about!

I am currently wearing XL tops and size 18 jeans. I feel like I might be in the XL tops for a while but the 18's might be going away rather quickly. I think it's true whoever said the first few sizes drop really slowly but then they go quickly after that. I am down from a size 24 jeans (26 at my highest weight) and a 2-3x top. Yikes! That's pretty decent, I think! :) Sometimes I pass myself in a mirror and feel pretty thin and other times not so much. I definitely carry most of my weight in my belly still so that makes me a bit self-conscious about that but I deal.

I know better not to compare to other people but it is really frustrating to read about all the other bloggers/banders that are wearing smaller clothing than I am but weigh more. I get the body size thing but MAN that makes me jealous, lol. I've always had to wear bigger sizes for my belly. I have small legs for a plus-sizer though, always have. My thighs are pretty normal looking when you compare them and maybe even on the thin side. I think I might have a picture to demonstrate...

Just small stems on this body!

I'm going to make a new post soon with some before pictures I found on Facebook and some other places. Blech.

Weigh-in Day brings a big surprise :)

2009-09-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yeppers, on a weigh-in day the scale finally cooperates and brings me a milestone number!!! I am soooo excited to finally have reached this one. It has been months in the making, I swear.

I am DOWN 3.4 lbs since last Friday! Holy crap! :) :) :) Despite it being my birthday I managed such an awesome loss this week.

OK, off to do the happy dance by myself now so you girls don't get annoyed with me ;) WAHOO!!!

Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

eta - the cake my SIL made for me!

We had a relatively quiet weekend! We went to my brother's house on Saturday and my sister and her family went there as well. We had a mini birthday party for me by having a cookout and my sister-in-law made a fabulous cake! Chris took a picture on his phone but he's at work with his phone and he hasn't uploaded it anywhere so I'll share when I can. We stayed the night at my bro's house and woke up and went to Golden Corral for brunch. It's a buffet but I had one round of food and didn't finish it all, then went back for a small salad and couldn't finish. I can't manage to get over my fat-girl status at buffets. I usually go there STARVING first of all. So I'm famished and my eyes wind up being way bigger than my stomach. It's ok but I always feel bad wasting so much food.

From there we drove back home and showered and what not. Then my brother came to MY house and the hubby and him fixed up a bunch of things around our house. My hubby is NOT very handy or Mr. Fix-it. He's just not. My brother on the other hand is. So we utilize him whenever we need things done and he gets it done efficiently and always does a good job. Then my bro stayed the night at our house (with his family). My SIL made dinner, with me helping in the background, and it was delicious. It was chicken breasts stuffed with feta and basil and grilled. For a side we had cheesy potatoes (leftover from the cookout) and green beans with bacon. I didn't say she made a healthy dinner but she made dinner. I couldn't eat all my chicken breast but I finished the beans and taters that I took. We have plenty of chicken and fixings left so we have dinner for another night or so.

Monday... my brother and family head out for home and off my family went to Red Lobster for lunch with Chris' family for my birthday. It's sort of a tradition that we get together for some meal and cake for each person's birthday. Since my birthday is on Wednesday we did it a wee bit early. I was given several Christmas ornaments and decorations since my FIL remembered me mentioning a while back that I don't have much for decorations... great idea! He also gave me some moolah, yay! SIL and BIL went together with their families and bought me a radio/cd player that goes under your kitchen cupboard to save space. I didn't think I'd get one since the only person I told about it was Chris and no one else asked. I guess I told the right person! ;)

Today I had to haul my kiddo and myself to the DMV to renew my license. I went on Friday to avoid the after holiday rush but it was a furlough day at ALL DMV's in our state so they were closed. Rats, that left me with today to go.. period. So we waited 45 minutes in the waiting area until we were called over for a 45 second confrontation and then another 45 seconds to get my photo taken. Another 45 seconds for my license to print and off we went. UGH! Waiting sucks. It wouldn't have been bad for me alone since I brought reading material but the kiddo was all, "is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number? is that our number?" You get the point...

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'll be 27.. no big deal. Nothing special. Chris is sending me to a day spa though! :) I'm getting an hour-long massage, a facial, a mani and a pedi. Ahhhh, excellent! :)

Hope everyone else had a fabulous weekend!!!

Slacking on the posting!

2009-09-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

We've been house hunting and shaping up our home for sale lately and I haven't been posting. It's crazy around here!

Anywho.. I need some advice. I am 99.9% sure that I'm not getting enough to eat in a day's time. I could get by on one meal a day, honestly. I ate today around 1 pm and 3 hours later I am still feeling that fullness feeling that says, "no way are you gonna eat in the next couple hours." I feel like I just ate! Thus, my problem. I am not hungry enough to eat!!!! I feel like if I ate now I would be forcing it in and probably PB it up (I don't generally PB but if I eat now I feel like I would). So what the heck is a girl to do!? I don't care for protein drinks but I'm thinking it might be worth it to start trying them again since I do get enough water in between meals.

I am not losing weight... I am maintaining or even gaining a pound.. it goes up and down every day as it always does. I am NEVER the same weight day to day. I work out 4 times a week with a trainer. I jogged on Tuesday... JOGGED!!! Haven't done that in 10 years, since high school!!!

How in the world can I get in more food when I'm FULL all day!? Help a sister out!!!

Angie & Catherine hooked me up!

2009-08-30T18:55:00.000-07:00

I asked Catherine if she had any goodies left to share with me from her stash recently. She didn't but she sent me an email of her friend Tracy who totally hooked me up!!! She sent me 2 dresses in a 16 and one fit!!! I would need some supportive undergarments but it fits!! Check it out!

The other dress is stinkin' adorable (black halter - think: little black dress!) but it has zero give so that one will have to wait until I am actually a 16 I think!! Haha!

She also sent me several 1x and XL tshirts and all of the tees fit me fine (Hallelujah, even a GAP tshirt which I didn't think would fit since it was gap!). She also sent me a pair of size 16 Ralph Lauren jeans... I tried them on for shits and giggles and VOILA! they fit too!!! I got some MAD muffintop out of those beasts but dammit, they buttoned!

Yikes, check out that ass shelf! Trust me, it goes all the way around in these jeans!!

The hubby was taking all sorts of pictures of me that night... check out this picture where he made me pose!!! I have one of him right behind me too but he retook it so he wasn't in the shot, LOL.

That cracks me up!! OK, so then she also sent me a pair of workout pants... they are a 1x :) Here's me in them with one of the tshirts she sent!

Also, my dear, darling, Angie sent me that size 18 American Eagle skirt she mentioned in her blog a while back. I kept meaning to take a picture for her and the one night before work I was all ready and wearing it and the freaking camera batteries were dead. So it goes. Angie, here's your pictures :) One of me holding my gut in the mirror, lol, and the other of me sticking my tatas out... wtf, no decent pics, LOL.

Alrighty, folks... that was a WHOLE lotta Tiffani! Hope you enjoyed it, LOL!! Hope everyone had a great weekend too!

ATTENTION FORMERLY FAT GIRL!!!!

2009-08-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hey darlin'! Just wanted to let you know I can't comment on your blog and from the looks of it I am not the only one! I can get a box to show up to type a comment but then the word verification comes up and there's no scrolling down to "submit" or "post comment" thus creating a road block to post a comment. Just thought you might like to know!! Way to go on those 18s!!!

Thanks :) and plastic surgery talk!

2009-08-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the lovely comments from my pictures and 4 mos anniversary post! :) I don't have much to say (have been pretty boring and lazy lately) but wanted to post to say as much.

Also, I was asked what my thoughts are on plastic surgery so I thought I'd give that a go.

As of right now I have no loose skin but just a bunch of fat-filled skin still. Sounds like I'm ripping on myself but I'm just being honest. I have a small (see, I can be nice) apron of a belly and then I have that top roll... the non-muffintop muffintop as I saw it referred to as. It doesn't touch the belly part of my abdomen, it is just there... it's gotten smaller so I hope it just disappears. The apron seems to be just getting smaller at this point as well. I have NO idea what my body will look like when all is said and done. I am definitely not opposed to having some sort of plastic surgery to make things tighter that won't get tighter by working out. I would consider a breast lift at this point already but since I have more work to do I'll wait.

I know I'll consider a tummy tuck one day but I am not done having children and that seems like a silly idea to even ponder until I'm done having all my babies. BTW - I'm thinking 2-3 kids is a good number and I have one already. Also, I wouldn't consider the breast lift until post-babies as well since I'm pro-breastfeeding and babies do crazy things to your boobies!

Another area I'd love to have done is the flags under my arms. UGH! I have ALWAYS had this so I expect I'll have them for the duration. You can touch the hanging skin there and it is just that and has always been... hanging skin! Nasty. I've always been self-conscious of it but I'm not sure if I'd be self-conscious of the big nasty scar you get from that surgery.... something to consider anyways.

So that's that... what surgeries do you think you would consider?

Picture post... 4 mos!

2009-08-23T14:46:00.001-07:00

The side view shot. :)

Front view. Size 18 jeans, XL top, L cami. (not fond of the roll in the middle but it's not muffin top.. just THERE! Perhaps from years of wearing my jeans right under that roll??)

Being a goofball, LOL.

Finally, being AMY!!!! LOL

As I took the last shot I said, "LOOK I'M AMY!" and as the hubby shot it he goes, "WHO'S AMY!?" LOL Imitation is the best form of flattery, Amy.. love you girl!

Blogger needs some love!!

2009-08-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

Alright ladies, we need to show some love to Kinzie over at A Band New Me. She's a new blogger and I think she's gonna have some great things to say!! :) Hook her up!

4 months :)

2009-08-22T17:06:00.001-07:00

Today is four months since my surgery :) I had the hubby take pictures a few minutes ago but we're ducking out the door. Just wanted to post to mark the occasion in case I don't get back on tonight!

(Btw - I'm wearing a shirt that makes me feel like a bubble. It's got elastic or something on the bottom so it hugs at my thighs, or wherever I put it, and bubbles out in the stomach... get that? Anyways.. I don't hate it so much because it's an XL and I'm so happy with that that I'm gonna overlook the bubble feeling!!!)

Jeans Sale!! and Weigh-in Day!

2009-08-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

Whew, what a day! Woke up, hit the gym for an ass-whooping by my trainer. We quit a few minutes early to take my measurements and that was a good boost for the day since they were each about an inch less than they were last time (5 weeks ago). I did notice that NONE of the measure tapes start on zero. One of them has a gap before the first line marker and the second one has a little plastic doo-dad that cuts off half of the first inch. So my measurements aren't accurate and I'm not pleased. My trainer said as long as I measure with the same one each time they'll be consistent but I don't like that answer. I want ACCURACY people. ARGH!

Anywho, then it was showtime at home... weigh-in day! The scale spoke to me again with another 1/2 lb loss this week and I'll take it once again. I'm not gonna complain one bit about a loss no matter how it comes! I love it :)

So, once I was up and moving I took the bub to lunch. She requested Red Robin. Oy. Well, I ordered the cripsy chicken tender salad. I ate all the chicken off the top first (I have always done this, don't know why) and then I was full, lol. I got a giant box and I'll have salad for 3-4 more meals. The kiddo had mac and cheese if you wanted to know. ;)

Old Navy is across the street from RR so we stopped in there afterward. They are having a jeans sale and I need me some jeans that fit so why not. Well, who knew they carried up to a 20 in the store!? And if you answered that you knew why didn't you tell me!? They even had my size - 18 short - in stock... well bust my buttons, I was so stinkin' happy! I picked a couple styles and colors to try and wound up taking them both home with me. Then shirt-wise I came away with two XL shirts (WTF... when did I fit in normal sizes!??!?!). One's a nicer shirt that I will wear tomorrow to dinner with my cousin at the Melting Pot (OMG I am craving it already!!), the other is just a 3/4 length, t-shirt material top with a deep cut v-neck. I got a tank/cami in a L (HUH!?) to wear underneath it. The kiddo's only request was a spiderman t-shirt in pink and a bumblebee neck pillow. I got her the neck pillow since we'll (hopefully) be traveling soon for a family vacation and let's face it.. it was stinkin' adorable!

Hope you all enjoy your weekend!! I know mine's off to a great start!!!

Ridiculous Question!

2009-08-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

A sample of what our DL's look like in our state. This chick weighs 100 lbs LOL.

My driver's license is up for renewal on my birthday this year, 09/09/09. My current weight on my DL is 220. Well, guess what... I don't weigh that. But guess what what (yes, I meant to do that)... I weighed 35+ lbs more than that when I got my license! Big ol' lie and I probably wasn't kidding anybody, lol.

So my ridiculous question is what should I put my weight as on my DL?! I know it's going to keep going down so a part of me wants to put like 185 or something but I also feel really bad about lying about being under 200... I certainly didn't feel bad putting 220 as my lie because that was still a lot but somehow putting less than 200 feels like a really big lie and I shouldn't do it!! I also don't want to have to go back and change my weight on my DL in a few months because it's way off and I'm embarrassed to pull it out... not embarrassed I guess.. more like I would be excited to change it again because I passed under the weight again, know what I mean?

So help... what's a girl to do!?

Soooo close!

2009-08-19T13:16:00.001-07:00

I can almost taste 30 lbs lost... it's RIGHT THERE!

Yesterday I weighed in and it delighted me with putting me at 28.8 lbs lost. This morning I was up a lb or so... figures. I fluctuate SO much!! Those people that say they weigh the same as yesterday.. yeah... that's just not happening in this house. I go up and down all day and all night is my best guess. Hate it. At any rate... I was 214.8 yesterday. That's less than 15 lbs til onederland... wtf, where did THAT come from!? Wasn't onederland like this FAR FAR away land that I would never get to!? Well, not anymore ... wow.

People... I'm almost not ashamed of my weight now. I'm actually writing my weight on my blog these days... I didn't do that in the beginning. My ticker up top says I'm 41 some lbs from my highest weight ever. I status updated on Facebook that this (the highest weight) was the weight that my high school friends knew me at. Crazy..

I felt like I was floating all day at work yesterday too. I was just in SUCH a good mood! I don't think tonight will go as well but I just keep looking forward to Thursday to start my 5 days off ;) I really need to quit my job.

Here's to another big weight loss so I can get to my 30 lbs!!! I want it, I can smell it... bring it!

Weigh-in Day

2009-08-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Not our picture but basically what it looked like :)

Well, it's Friday and I had to record my weight. Of course, last night I went for dinner and drinks (had one!) with a good friend so I'm sure I would have lost more had I not done that... boo. Anyways, I'm down a 1/2 lb this week from last Friday. I'll take it! :) Going from not losing for soooo long to starting to lose ANY amount of weight sure does make you feel grateful!! :)

Last night we went to a Japanese restaurant and did the hibachi table experience. My friend had never had it before so we shared the "dinner for 2" option so she could try more things. We also shared a sushi roll and I think I only had 2 pieces and took the rest home to the hubby. Then dinner consisted of steak, chicken, scallops and the typical veggies and such. Soup and salad came first too but I just ate the soup. I'm not fond of the ginger dressing on their salads. Anyways, it was delicious and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Boo to the scale but a loss is a loss!!! :)

Oops, more to say!

2009-08-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

Couple things I forgot to mention... first being clothes.

Sarah - all but one top you sent is too big. Not a bad thing but I can't wear most of them... soooooo if anyone is looking to be the recipient of this stuff just let me know! It's mostly 2x or 22/24w I'd guess.

The Old Navy shipment I got a couple weeks ago was all too big except for the pants. I took my 3 mos photos in one of the tops actually and the jeans. I exchanged them and finally got them today. I plan to take pics over again with the correct size top on and compare how I look :) Btw- all the tops fit now... in a 1x :) in the store the XL and the occasional XXL fit fine :) YAY!

The second thing is pregnancy. Last night at the meeting I asked what their policy is on removing fluid in the case of a pregnant bandster. The gal leading the bandsters was the program manager and also an RN. She said they just closely monitor you and if you're doing ok without having it removed then they leave it alone. I had read about some clinics routinely removing all the fluid right off and that scared me so I'm glad to hear they are a bit more rational on the whole topic. YAY!

OK... gotta go get ready for work! Ewww...

Tuesday, an up and a down!

2009-08-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Another picture from the party on Saturday :) just me and my girl in a "moment!" :)

I leave for work in about an hour.. blech. I pretty much dread going to work these days. I really don't know why I am still there. I think I feel a sense of guilt. If I leave no one will know how to do the insurance I do and that leaves them hanging. Yet, no one seems to want to LEARN so why should I care!? That's actually my down in the title.

My up is actually a down haha.. I'm down in weight again!!!! I'm at 216 even and that makes me at another low. I'm down 27.6 lbs now and I'm HAPPY that the damn scale is going in the right direction again.

Last night I went to the monthly support group and as usual we split up into three groups. Pre-op bypass (millions), post-op bypass (millions), and band pre and post-op (5 people). Seriously.. why is it such a minority?!?! I feel like maybe the people that want the bypass are looking for the quick fix and not really looking into their options. I could be TOTALLY out of my league but why do more people not choose the band??

Anyways, it was nice to talk with just band people again. Some familiar faces, some new. One gal was pre-op. I think she would have chose bypass as well but she is self-pay and they only allow you to self-pay for band because of the potential complications with the bypass. I didn't really walk away from this meeting feeling like I had any new information but it was nice just to talk to fellow bandsters again.

Hair, or the lack of it

2009-08-10T14:53:00.001-07:00

YIKES!!!! This was my super adorable (yeahhhh) hairstyle while I ate my dinner at the party Saturday. The wind was blowing my hair everywhere and I couldn't get a bite in my mouth without eating a handful of hair too. My brother-in-law came to the rescue with two hairties and I managed to whip up this beauty of a style. It did the job.

Chris took a picture to show me what it looked like and when I saw it on my computer I almost cried. I knew my hair was coming out because well... I take showers. It was coming out in my hands with each stroke through my hair :( recently. I had thin enough hair as it is.

Come back to me hair!!!

My Weekend (& my 50th post!)

2009-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well, these pics loaded backward... I guess from now on I will upload them backward from last to first and they'll be on my blog the opposite way... good to know! So the weekend in pics! The first picture here is of my sister and me. I thought it was good to own up and show a full body shot of me on the internet. I'm standing with my gut out but what the heck, here I am! Also, thought it good to point out the weight issues that rack my family. :( It's a pretty common theme as you'll see. My sister, Niomi, was pursuing gastric bypass for a while but stopped. She thought she could do it on her own. I don't think that's the case but we'll see. It's not really my business. I just try and insert my 2 cents whenever she'll hear me. :)

We had a fabulous weekend!! Friday night we met up with good friends Dana and Craig and had dinner. We were supposed to go the BBQ & Blues festival but it was rainy and yucky so we met up at an Irish pub and had drinks and dinner. I had the fish fry and it was FANTASTIC! I also found out that Dana reads my blog and doesn't comment. The naughty girl!!! So HI Dana!! Comment away :)

Saturday we woke up early and head off to my Grandma's 80th birthday celebration. We had a park shelter reserved but it was, once again, raining. It was relocated to a family member's garage and eventually it did stop raining and we moved out onto the driveway and had a party!!
This is me and the birthday girl! Her name is Norma Claire and my kiddo is Cadence Claire, named for her. She is definitely my favorite lady and I love her to pieces. We have a great connection and often find ourselves contacting each other only to hear, "I was JUST going to call/write/email you!!!" I just adore her.
I thought this was an interesting picture. I'm eating and I don't hate the picture... a RARE (ok, pretty nonexistent) moment. I wanted to post this though because you can see the mass amounts of food on my brother's plate (far left) and he finished before I did. Most people do and actually, most have seconds before I finish one plate. It helps to fit in though since I'm still eating while everyone else is and no one asks why I'm not eating. In this picture are all the men in my immediate family. Left to right is my brother, Bill, me, my younger brother, Adam, and my dad, Bill.
This is a lovely shot to have gotten! Pictured here is my Grandma with all her grands and greats. She has 7 grands and 7 greats! :) Believe it or not the kiddo with the peace sign on his shirt is a grand and he shares a birthday with Emily (second from right) who is a great.
Then there's this picture. It just makes me giggle. This is my sister-in-law, Kate and me. Guess which one of us knew the picture was being taken??? I like the picture of me though because I'm leaning in and sticking my neck out and so I don't have any double chin action going on. ;) It's the little things!! I also thought I look relatively thin here and ya gotta love that!!

I have some more pics to share but I don't want to mess up this post by adding more pics so I'll make a new one for them. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!!

Small Victories

2009-08-07T09:16:00.001-07:00

Well guys.. today on official weigh-in day I was back up a pound. Keeping in mind it's that TOM... I'll take it. If you compare to last Friday I'm actually DOWN 1.2 lbs!! Too bad I didn't keep that lb off from yesterday, that would have been a great weight loss for a week... but you know what?! So is 1.2!! Dang my outlook has changed, lol.

I blame part of the problem on that darn Pampered Chef party I went to last night. I ate this DELICIOUS soup called "Loaded Baked Potato Chowder" and this yummy little "After Dinner Mint Tart" or some such. Then she made this lava cake in the microwave and well.. I'm sure that pushed me over the edge. The soup was so good I ate two servings and was SO full that I couldn't try the cake until right before the end of the party about an hour and a half later, lol. FABULOUS soup though and I have the recipe and will be making it! It's made in the deep covered baker in the microwave!!! I have the baker here at home so it's a go next week!! Amy, it would have been great if you could have come along!!! :)

Today I'm having lunch with my co-worker who is off on maternity leave. We're great friends and I miss talking to her as much as we did at work!! We're going to Cheeseburger in Paradise and I already know what I'm going to get. St. Barts Citrus Chicken Marinated chicken breasts seasoned, grilled and served over Island Rice with Teriyaki Boccoli (from the menu on the website). LOVE it and it's pretty healthy :) I'll wind up eating a small amount and having tons left over which is always great!!

Later today I need to boil brats for my grandma's 80th birthday party tomorrow. We were in charge of bringing the meat and no one wants raw brats so I have to boil them before we grill them. The people count just went up to 38 so we have half a ton of burgers, brats, and hot dogs... yikes!

Tonight we're going to a festival called BBQ & Blues where there's basically music, booze and food. Should be a good time. Hubby works for the newspaper and got free passes so even better! We're meeting some friends we haven't seen in a while too so it will be great to catch up with them.

Here's hoping it doesn't rain out any of our weekend events!!!!!

Enjoy the weekend ladies!!!

Down AGAIN!!

2009-08-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to post really quick and say I was down another .2 lbs this morning!!! I will take that .2 of a lb and KEEP it, thank you very much! I am sooooo thankful for .2 after stalling on the same weight for months. Yes, months. I didn't think I'd stall so soon after surgery but I did... and it sucked. It looks like things are moving again and I am SO thankful.

Did I mention how thankful I am to be moving again??? ;)

Now... off to a Pampered Chef party... eeek, we'll see who wins tomorrow... me vs. scale.

Another low!!

2009-08-05T11:34:00.001-07:00

Dang. Being naughty has never felt so good. I stepped on the scale again this morning (naughty again! weigh-in is Friday) and it rewarded me with a new all-time low!!! 216.6 this morning :) Oh what a feeling. I'm beginning to think that this last fill might have been a good one for me!! I'm officially down 27 lbs this morning which is DAMN close to 30 and ya just gotta love that!! Oh and how CLOSE is that to being under 200 lbs?! WOW!!!

I need to blog more apparently...

2009-08-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I blogged that my weight hasn't gone down in a long time and today I stepped on the scale on a non-weigh-in day (naughty!) and I weigh my lowest weight ever... for the second time. The last time I stepped on the scale and weighed this much was 7/7/09... then it went back up a smidge and stayed there for a long.long.long.long time. I'm very happy to be here again :D I just hope I can stick it out... this is the week of the month, if ya know what I mean. I have wanted to eat nothing but junk... or should I say everything AND junk.

So woohoo for being 26.4 lbs down since pre-op liquids!!! Go me!!!

Thanks for the support ladies!

I just got a letter, err... package!

2009-08-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

Our lovely blog buddy, Sarah, sent me some lovely new shirts!! She sent me WAY more than I ever imagined I'd be lucky enough to get! I haven't tried any on because I wanted to blog about it but I think I'll wait until the hubster is around so he can take pictures for me to share! There was a really pretty floral, dressy top in there... I'll have to find the occasion to wear the one because it's super pretty!

Thank you SO much, Sarah!!! I appreciate it!!! :)

Happy Monday

2009-08-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! We had an excellent weekend here. We took Cadence to a nice place for dinner on Friday night. Really, we wanted scallops and LOVE this place's scallops so she came along. We threatened a beating if she was naughty ;) but she did really well and it was a very nice time.

Saturday we had a housewarming party to attend. My cousin and her husband bought their home in December but just got around to having a gathering to show it off. It was a nice time and we stayed until 10:30 or so that night.. it was fun!

My victory from the party was that they had those big plates with compartments on them for food. You know the ones?? Big rectangular styrofoam plates with little squares and big squares for separating food. Well... I put my meat in the big square and then side salads in the other ones and there were OPEN spots! The places that did have food were only partially full because I know my limits and didn't want to waste. I wound up not eating all the food I took anyways!!! Actually, I didn't care for one of the salads and I was just plain FULL (not even.. more satisfied!) to finish the rest. I actually felt like people were looking at me funny when I sat down because my plate was so not full.

I did step on the scale and it was down but knowing how my body works I won't change my ticker until the actual weigh day. I'm sick of weighing what I weigh quite frankly. Time for some moving down, please? :D

I think I just PB'd???

2009-07-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well, that was fun... (sarcasm)

I decided to have a snack-sized bag of doritos. I don't know what the deal is but after a few they just did NOT want to go down. I threw the rest of the bag away because the pains I was having made me not want to eat a single chip more. I was having these intermittent pains in my chest and back (same spot just on both sides of me) and I was BURPING like no other. Just air burps. Well, I thought walking would help so I wandered around and finally leaned over the sink in one of those moments of pain. Well, I burped and it felt like stuff was RIGHT in my throat and I burped again and up came all those doritos I just ate. That's all... just the doritos... and it wasn't even uncomfortable or weird. Was this a PB? I felt instantly better and the burps stopped after that. Crazy! I don't wanna be doing that often... or ever.

So my guess is I was full and didn't need anything else. No more could fit so up it came. Convenient in a way but nasty in so many more ways. That'll teach me. AND it was a SNACK-SIZED bag!!! Oh well, not trying that again.

So those that PB... sound familiar? I've never done it before...

Splash Park and Junk

2009-07-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

Can you believe my child woke up at 10:45 this morning?! Yesterday I thought 9:45 was a bit excessive but DANG! I guess I really wore her out at the zoo and last night Chris took her to swim lessons so she had a busy, big day. So, since I use her as an alarm clock... I slept that long too. I did, however, get up at 7 and went to the gym from 7:30-8, but came back and went to sleep again, lol.

With such a late start my struggle then is... do I eat lunch or breakfast!? LOL Such a struggle to have I know. We decided on lunch and we got ready pretty quick and head off to another splash park in another nearby town. This summer we are definitely getting to do so much more with me at home. I'm glad for Cadence that she is getting this Mommy time and also being able to have the fun times at the zoo and parks and all that.

I forgot my camera today so no pics from the splash park, sorry.

I did manage to find some energy when I got back and did a load of dishes, a load of laundry and folded 2 more loads that were waiting for me. I have to put away a ton of clothes now and that's my least favorite part. I might try to convince the hubby :D Cadence got into it and helped me clean up too! She brought all the dirty dishes to me and I loaded and she gathered more laundry for me (the husband strips wherever he wants, I swear). She's really been a great kid the last few weeks and I think her attitude she had before was very much school related. How can I not believe that when she acts so great for me after a week of being home?? I'm happy with this change, of course. :)

On the eating front... things didn't look good for me today. Lunch consisted of stopping at Culver's (seems to be a midwest chain) on the way to the splash park. I had a small order of cheese curds and a scoop of lemon ice w/strawberries on top. Fabulous. Not.so.healthy. :D Then I came home and finished off the puffy cheetos that somehow made it into my house. Don't worry, I did my household a favor by making them disappear. We are safe from the Chester Cheeto. You can all breathe easier now, I'm sure. So yeah... not so great. Sad thing... I'm full. How the heck am I gonna get 60 grams of protein in for the day at this hour!?!?! It ain't gonna happen people... and for that I am sorry, to myself. I had a bad eating day.

Love you ladies. :)

Zoo adventures!! :)

2009-07-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

After waking up at 9:45 this morning (I sleep as late as the kiddo sleeps!) we decided we should hit up the local zoo. Madison is our nearest big city and it's 15-20 minutes to either side of town from here so it's close. Henry Vilas Zoo is the zoo name and it's a FREE zoo! Gotta love that! It has great animal exhibits (of course) and then there's a carousel for $1/ride and a "train" ride for a $1 (just a tractor pulling small cars behind). There's also a HUGE play area with soft "ground" to land on. You'll see a pic of that below. Here's a picture of my kiddo watching prairie dogs (I think??) digging holes in their exhibit.
Then here is that awesome play area I was talking about. Check out the gorgeous weather we were having too... soooo perfect for being outside. High 70s and lovely out.

I added a picture of my kiddo at the monkey exhibit but it deleted when it loaded... I am not too great at adding pics to these posts... for some reason I can't get there where I want to get them. Any advice?

I figure after all that zoo walking I deserve a gold star :) Plus my eating wasn't terrible at all either!

I have to head in to do my lovely (sarcasm) 3 hours of work for the evening. I can hardly wait!!

Love you ladies!!

Weekend, then a FILL!

2009-07-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is my peanut waiting for the parade to start.

I did something I haven't done in a long time... took a self-portrait!

Had a FABULOUS weekend! It was our town's festival weekend and it's within walking distance from our house so we just walk down every day and enjoyed the fireworks from our BED!!! How sweet it that! It makes for a couple loud nights with the bands but it's worth it! :) We also spent a LOT of money but, eh, whatcha gonna do?! There's a carnival with rides, pony rides, petting zoo, music, FOOD, softball tourneys, craft fair, and it winds up on Sunday with a parade. It's just lovely :) I got a ton of color though... as in SUNBURN!!! OUCH! It's mild burn but I have some BROWN skin in some spots and I like how it looks but dang, I did apply sunscreen like three times!!

Today I had a fill with my surgeon. This is the first time I've seen my surgeon, alone, since before I went under!!! He's got such a great sense of humor and just makes me feel comfortable. He totally put my mind at ease with the whole, "what happens in a year when I'm FULL and can't get a FILL?" situation. He basically said what I know... tiny, tiny, tiny fills will do a lot for me at this point and he reassured me again that he feels I will never be "FULL." He asked me some questions that gave me more reassurance that I'm at a good restriction right now. He asked "are you hungry all the time?" My response was, "no, almost never." He asked how that was working for me and I told him that it's a hindrance sometimes because I have to remind myself to eat because I'm not hungry. Not a BAD thing but I don't always get in all my protein and we all know that when you don't get in all your protein you don't LOSE weight because your body holds onto it!! He said based on what I was telling him that he wanted to give me a small fill but then he asked where I live because it might make me be too tight and I'd have to come back soon. He gave me .5 ccs today and so far so good. I'm at 8.5 of 9 but again, I feel comfortable with his reassurance that I'll not be full so I'm ok with this! :)

It took two pokes to get it in there and I thought he was being a bit arrogant about fills at first. I told him I have a tilted port and it's hard to get into if you don't know that and he said, "oh, they're all tilted a bit." Then he had to poke me a second time because he "needed a better angle." Gee... listen much? I don't mind the pokes.. it's actually the pressure of him feeling around that bugs me most (and isn't much) as far as discomfort of fills goes.

Between the last fill and this one I lost 3 lbs so that's something. Although, it's always harder to tell using their scale because I weigh at home, naked. There, I weigh in wearing whatever I went in with... today was jeans... dummy me.

So anywho... that was fill number 4! I have another appt scheduled for 7 weeks out with my surgeon's partner. I don't care for him as much but if I need it, I need it.

Love you ladies!!! :)

Oh and here's a shoutout to all my new followers!! I love you all too, thanks for tuning in!! :)

Pics and comments

2009-07-24T14:48:00.001-07:00

Side view - 3 mos post op

Front view - not as flattering in my opinion

So, Wednesday was my 3 month bandiversary/surgiversary and these are the photos from that day. We still haven't found our camera so Chris took these with his iphone again. I'll have to get him to put together a side-by-side for me at some point.

Some things to note about this picture... the size 18 pants that make my legs look damn thin! I've never had an issue with big legs or thighs but these pants actually give me that credit! Then there's the shirt... it's too big. I bought 2x and apparently I fit in REGULAR SIZES IN THE STORE! Who knew!? Not me... I'm going to return the tops for a 1x because I like them but from now on I'm totally going to shop in the darn store!!!! Gotta love that NSV! :0

Oh and I posted these pics on my facebook and the comments I received on them drove me to happy tears! What a fabulous feeling to have all my friends and family tell me I'm wasting away! Wow... I love the support network I have. And best of all, I love you ladies!

Nutritionist visit and some goals

2009-07-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my 3 mos post-op visit with my nutritionist. She basically went over my diet and added up the protein and said to eat more and then told me she'd see me in 3 more months or as needed before then. Sorta useless again :( Really not sure why I needed that visit.

I signed a 16 week contract with a personal trainer. I started last week and I've had a full week of it now. I see her FOUR days per week! Three days for strength training/weights and then the fourth day is cardio training. She pushes me on the treadmill... had that this morning and I feel great!! I have this issue with my hip on the left side when I walk for any length of time. We took a family walk on Sunday and then yesterday I had strength training and today cardio so it really hasn't had a chance to cool down or relax... so today's cardio was pretty painful but I knew it would cool down later and it has already. She showed me some stretches for it too and that felt great. I hoping to see some changes in my weight again with this but know it might take a while since I'm gaining muscle again.

I read Sarah's blog this morning and she was talking about some of her goals and where she is at with them. A lot of them are goals I've thought about accomplishing but never wrote them down so I just wanted to comment on a few of them from her journal.

* I wanted to be able to cross my legs properly. This is something I have accomplished. I can pull my leg up without grabbing at a pants leg or an ankle. I can keep them crossed without hooking my foot on a chair/table leg. I was sitting on a bench on Saturday waiting to be called for a dinner reservation and had my legs crossed the whole time!!! I felt cute! :)

* I want to be able to go to Six Flags Great America and ride some of the rides I had to get off of in my past. The last time I went I couldn't buckle the necessary buckles or make them click in place or whatever and had to get off of a few rides. TOTALLY humiliating and a feeling I don't want to have ever again. I'm not sure I'll be ballsy enough to go back until I'm super skinny in fear of not fitting again though! I remember at the time blaming my large chest for the reason of being kicked off. Ummm yeah... if the rest of me weren't so large my boobs wouldn't stick out as far.. HELLO! Oh well, it sounded good at the time. Oh, I'm with you though, Sarah... I am not sure I'll make it through the ride without throwing up but I have to at least try!

* I so badly want to shop in more than 2-3 stores. Lane Bryant, Old Navy, and Maurices are my staple stores these days. I suppose I bought a few bottoms from JC Penney's but overall I find their plus-sized tops to be old-fashioned and not for me.

* I want to wear cute clothes and feel COMFORTABLE in them. BIG deal to me. I like to be cute and pretend I don't care what I look like in my clothes but oh man do I ever care.

That about covers it for now. I'll be around again soon. Love you ladies!! :)

Happenings.. or lack thereof

2009-07-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I am done working full-time these days. Now I'll just be working 5-8 pm on Tuesday and Wednesday each week to work on this big insurance that's rather complicated. For some reason I'm the only one at work that knows how to reconcile the checks for that insurance so they asked me to stay on a few hours to do that. They also want me to come back to work there full-time some day. I have the rest of the week alone but next week the kiddo is home with me again! Yay!!! I can't wait to do fun stuff with her :)

Monday was the monthly support group meeting. There were only two post-op band people and two pre-op band people at the meeting. We did split off into band and bypass groups though and the nutritionist came with the bandsters and basically it was us talking about whatever we wanted to talk about. The pre-op people asked the post-ops questions that they had and we asked the nutritionist about concerns and things.

I asked her why I could sometimes FEEL things go through my band... like each bite. She explained that from what she understood of it, it wasn't the band opening I was feeling, it was my esophagus. Apparently the band changes the pressure in your esophagus and that's what I've been feeling. Makes so much more sense now!!!

In craptastic news... we lost our damn camera! It's been missing since early June I'd guess. If we don't find it now we're going to buy a new one because in our mind that is just something we can't go without. There have been several things I've wanted to snap a picture of and can't and it's been making me angry!! :(

That's about all... boring blog!

I have a nutritionist visit on Monday, my 3 mos post-op visit. Then the following Monday I have another surgeon visit... maybe a fill? This next Monday I also see my regular doctor to discuss my labs I had done this week. I found out the results and my diabetes hasn't improved, it's gotten worse. I'm too down about it to talk about it but I will some day... blech.

Answers

2009-07-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

I started my day off RIGHT! I called on Thursday to see about getting some stinkin' answers about my issues and they finally called me back on Friday and suggested I see the nutritionist to make sure there was nothing she could help me with before we "jump to conclusions" about there being a problem with my band. So that was this morning at 8:30.

Basically, she (Diane) helped me more than she ever has in all our visits. I see her for my 3 mos visit in 2 weeks so she wasn't talking post-op "by the book" bull, she was talking TIFFANI today. I told her all my concerns and for once she just listened. She is notorious for interrupting me or talking over me while I try to talk but this time she seemed to understand that I needed to be heard.

She told me what I knew in a few different ways. I have essentially been looking for confirmation that my band works... pb, throwing up, getting stuck, etc. I have been looking for consequences and not looking at what the band has DONE for me already. I do NOT pb, throw up or get stuck. I have been stuck ONCE and it was when I ate chicken and thought of something to say to my husband and just swallowed, practically whole. I need to turn my attitude around and think in terms of what the band has already shown me. I eat half or less than half of what I used to eat. I know this but since my weight has plateaued I assumed I'm eating more than I should be. I'm actually eating the right amount (according to Diane) and just need to chill.

She told me that she has a handful (like 5 or 6) people out of the hundreds she's seen that have no "side effects" and "do everything right" and those people think their band isn't working because of that. I am in that 5 or 6 apparently.

We went over my typical day's eating habits and we counted together to see where, if anywhere, I was falling short. Well, I am getting practically NO fruit (LOVE IT too, not sure what's up) and NO dairy and not enough protein. I'm coming up about 15 grams shy in the protein field on the a good day. So, I'll work on those areas and try to get my butt to the gym like I should be and hopefully the weight will start coming off again.

As for the 8 cc in the 9 cc band.. they told me I can email my surgeon and he will address that with me. I plan to do that in a bit here. It's still a concern obviously but I'm going to try not to focus on those things and focus on what I have accomplished so far.

Here's to a new positive start to the week... and beyond :)

Thanks for your support ladies.. I love you all... seriously.

Troubles

2009-07-02T12:49:00.001-07:00

I figured I'd post before I read all your posts about how fabulous everyone is doing. I'm sooo happy for everyone but it's hard to read at the same time. Don't mean to be a downer.. just how I feel today.

I haven't been sleeping the best lately. I sit up wondering what the heck is wrong with my band. I am pretty sure something must be wrong. Either the amount of fluid in my band is totally wrong or I have a leak or some other problem. I feel the same as I did before I ever had a fill. Nothing different from the time I started eating solids til now. I can eat too much food still. I think the weight-loss thus far has been 80% me and 20% band. I have periodic hang-ups in my band if I eat too much or too fast but I don't really feel a ton of restriction. I don't know how to explain it.

I feel no different today than I felt Monday morning before my fill.

To answer a few questions... no they haven't ever taken the fluid 100% out to my knowledge. If they have I didn't know it. I feel no different. I just got done eating a rather large lunch and feel comfortably satisfied right now.

I do get the hiccups a lot lately when I'm eating. I got them at lunch today too. I read on the realize band site that hiccups indicate that your pouch is full and if you eat more you could throw up. I had only eaten a few bites at lunch when I got the hiccups and think it was mostly from eating too fast.

I honestly don't want people coming to my blog and feeling like I'm such a downer but I sure would love some support, encouragement, entertainment (!!), WHATEVER from you guys, lol. I just don't know where to go from here. Should I call and get in sooner??? Maybe they can check for a leak?

I'm convincing myself I'll need another surgery and that sucks. I paid a LOT of money out of pocket for this and to have to do it again makes me go "hmmm, what if it just happens like this again? Will it be worth it?"

I wonder about my first fill where she jabbed my insides/port a million times before finding the port entrance. Could she have poked my tubing and caused a leak, two leaks, more? Not really sure just trying to figure out what's wrong.

That's enough rambling for the day. I hope you're all fit and fabulous!! :) Love you girls.

Quite the day so far!

2009-06-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's only 3:30 or so and it's already been quite the busy day! I have off on Mondays now so I tried to squeeze every last thing in. I started the day getting new tires at the car dealership. They have comfy chairs and cold beverages while you wait so I was happy. I brought the second Twilight book "New Moon" and got a good chunk of that read.

I came home to eat lunch and then had my fill at 1:15. The NP got a new job out in Boston so this was my first fill with this surgeon. He is the partner of the surgeon who performed my band surgery. It went well, he found my port without a problem and mentioned he could feel the outline without a problem (to the resident who was with him). He was going to use lidocaine but I politely declined and it hurt less than a pinch this time. He gave me 2 more cc's to total 8 ccs in my 9 cc band. I'm more than a little concerned about where I'm going to go with my fills in a few months. I'm going to be FULL and then what?!!?!?! SERIOUSLY! I asked him if it was common to be at 6 ccs without much restriction and he sort of avoided the question. Basically said we'll just give me more and went about the procedure. I plan to ask and be more persistant about it next time.

So anywho.. I've not eaten anything yet but this had better be it... because where do I go from here if it's not? :(

After I got home from there I was inspired by my .4lb weightloss in one stupid month to go to the gym. I did cardio for 30 minutes and then took my measurements. I've lost some inches in several areas so that was encouraging. Also, I talked to the guy there about signing up for Boot Camp which starts on Wednesday. I'm considering it seriously. Something needs to give.

I'm so concerned about being 1 cc away from being FULL! WTF am I going to do :(

Weight Break-Down

2009-06-28T18:25:00.001-07:00

I answered a post on LBT about progress in the first couple months and it really put things in perspective for me. I checked my weights according to my excel sheet I have and pre-op I lost 8 lbs. In the first month I lost 12 lbs and the second month I lost only 5 lbs.

I'm HAPPY with that when I break it down but when I compare it to everyone else that's done SO awesome I get jealous and think I haven't lost enough. I guess for me, I have. I have mentioned how I don't feel much restriction even after my two fills so the 5 lbs loss this month shouldn't (and isn't) be too surprising! I can still eat a LOT and I know that. Also, I don't get to the gym.... period. I have this lovely new gym membership right up the damn road but do I go?! Hellll no! Got to summon the motivation for that NOW!

Anyways, I have my third fill tomorrow at 1:15 so I'm hoping to feel something more this week. I would really like to jump start this weight-loss ... once again.

Pictures of ME at 2 months post-op :)

2009-06-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

Side view :)

Front view!

And check that out! My big ol' pants!

These were all taken with hubby's iPhone cuz we can't locate the camera at this point, lol.

Two Months :)

2009-06-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Today is my 2 month "surgiversary" and I'm down 25 lbs since April 11 (day 1 of pre-op diet). I think I thought it would be greater but I'm pretty happy with this loss. It's more than 10% of my weight from when I began this and it's a LOT of weight! It averages out to about 2.5 lbs per week.

I'm going to put on the same clothes I wore on April 11th for pics and have Chris take some tonight for comparison.

The weekend was good. We went to visit my older brother and his family on Saturday and we grilled brats and corn on the cob and had watermelon for dessert. The 8 of us polished off an entire watermelon, haha, the kids went nuts! Thank god they were in swimsuits and went directly back into the water... what a mess!

From there, I met a friend at the movies and we saw "The Proposal" which was seriously cute! I finally got home at 12:30 that night.

Sunday we just relaxed, a LOT! We finally got our shit together and went grocery shopping and came home to cook dinner. Once we did cook (in the oven and on the stove) we realized our A/C wasn't kicking in. It was 77 in our house at that point. It finally kicked back in enough to cool us off sometime this morning but we called for a tune-up and they had us turn it off again, lol. The guy just called and he'll be here shortly. Tomorrow is supposed to be a scorcher with a high of 93 so thank goodness we called today!! ICK!

I'll hopefully be back soon to post pictures!

New Clothes

2009-06-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

I bought a few new pairs of capris and bermudas (three total) to see about getting me through summer. I purposely bought in a size 18 which is 2-3 sizes smaller than where I started. I wanted them to be tight now but fit all through summer and not wind up falling off by summer's end. Well, they arrived today. They FIT! Like, no laying on the bed to button fit! As in, barely had to suck it in fit! HOLY HELL! I wore a size 22 to work today! I have a few 24s still in rotation that aren't completely falling off.. so the thought of fitting into these 18s was basically this, "hmm, not gonna happen!"

Did I mention I cried? My shirts still fit the same but just baggy in the belly area. My tatas need to shrink before shirts shrink I'm thinking. My bras are a BIT big but not enough to make me purchase a new one LOL.

I had to share.. in the moment! :) I'm so happy! :) :) :) LOVE YOU, BAND!!!

Yesterday and the day thus far!

2009-06-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

The picture this time is after my cousin's wedding (9/8/07). I stood up as a bridesmaid so my hair was done up all purty! I always thought this was a cute picture of me. Wonder what I'll think when the weight's gone! :)

I had a SUPER busy Saturday yesterday. It started with my kiddo sleeping until 10:15 in the morning so we had a late start. We had plans to go to Breakfast on the Farm, an annual event held at a different farm each year within our county. We missed that due to the late start. But we ate some quick breakfast and head off to my sister's house for my nephew's birthday party. She had a bounce house for him and we brought squirt guns (hehe) for all the cousins (7 kids) and that started a war. EVERYONE wound up soaking wet of course even though we declared our sitting area the "safe" zone!!! It was great fun.

After we stayed there for like 6 or 7 hours (EEK!) we went to a nearby town to catch appetizers and drinks (eek again!) at Texas Roadhouse. My cousin met us there and her husband is a police officer in that town so he drove his squad car there to say hello and caused a tizzy in the whole restaurant. Apparently the managers thought there was a sting going on! LOL.

We made it home at about 11 or 11:30 and crashed.

Did I mention my weight yesterday morning was down to a loss of 25 lbs!?!? WAHOO!! I've been waiting for some awesome progress like that. Something about these landmark numbers that really make you feel good about where you are. I was telling people I had lost 22 lbs or 24 lbs - whatever the number was that day - and they just didn't REACT like they did when I finally could say 25! I'll take it!!! :)

This morning Chris woke up at 3:30 and stayed up because he was sick. I took the kiddo out shopping for some new summer sandals so he could rest. We're home again and he's feeling better so I am going to head out shopping for some new Tiffani clothes. I haven't yet purchased new clothes since losing weight so this should be interesting. I just want a few things to make myself feel good about me! I was wearing a size 22 pair of capris yesterday and I could slide them off without unbuttoning. They are huge and I am sick of them hanging off my ass and my thighs rubbing because they're hanging so damn low! GAH! Do you know what feeling I am referring to here?! OUCH!

Anyways, I'll report in afterward!! :)

Once again... been a while!

2009-06-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

The picture is from October 2008.. a friend from high school took the shots. She is now Heather Kessler Photography if you want to check out more of her work. I'll share more of these in future blogs :)

After my last post I was sorta down and out for a while. Not out out but ... out. I still watched what I ate and tried but I was just down about things. This last Monday was the monthly support group that my clinic puts on. One or both of the surgeons are there, the nutritionist is there, the NP who does all the fills, and one RN who sorta runs the show and passes the "talking stick" (not an actual stick but she designates who talks when). My surgeon has been there every time and it's nice to see him, :) I just feel happy when I see him.. I know he changed my life... *sigh* happy feeling again!

Anyways, we separated into 3 smaller groups after announcements and upcoming events/changes. There was a pre-op group, post-op RNY, and post-op band group. The NP was our ringleader and it was her last meeting.. she is going to Boston with her boyfriend and she'll be in neurosurgery! So her replacement was also there and that was nice to meet her. At the end I hugged the NP goodbye and told her thanks for everything. She did some pre-op workups and then all of my fills so far so she was a pretty big part in my process. I liked her too. :)

ANYWAYS (!!!) - we went around and introduced ourselves and told where we were in the process and all that. Well there was one guy who had his surgery 6 days after me but otherwise I was the baby (age-wise) and this other guy had gone on vacay and not had any fills yet.. and I've had two. So, I told my story about how I had one fill, felt nothing, went back, doubled up, and still feel nothing. Then all the rest of the stories were way out (18 mos or so average) and they all took time to look directly at me and tell me to hang in there and it was seriously like a BIG GROUP HUG! It was perfect.

Then! We got to this one girl... she had a "strange" experience. She had the same experience as I did in the beginning (she didn't want to tell her story in front of me) and kept going back for fills and finally found out, when she was darn near FULL, that her band had slipped. She had no symptoms except that wheat chex and wheat thins would swell in her esophagus and cause some pain. So apparently, two stitches came loose and caused her to slip. She had her band replaced last week from what I understood. She said she feels like she got a second shot at things and she was also self-pay like I am so she's doing everything right (both times - this wasn't her fault!) and it's apparently easier for her the second time. So that's her story...crazy to meet someone in person that had a complication like that.

I felt SO good after this meeting. The other meetings I've been at really haven't made me feel this way. There's too many RNY patients there and our experience is just SO different from theirs! It was nice to have a small group (8 people) of JUST bandsters.

So here's the big news... ;) The next three mornings I LOST WEIGHT! LOL!! First day, down 2.2, second, 1.2, third 0.2! CRAZY! Finally some movement again. I'm down 24.4 now total and I'm happy with that again. It's nice to see the scale moving in the right direction again. I'm also under 220 again finally (wasn't there since 5/25) and I hope to stay under it and get under 200 SOON!

Been a while.. yet not much to say

2009-06-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a blog post in a while and the only real reason for it is that I have nothing to report. I have been sitting at the same weight (+/- a pound or two) for days... since about May 19th really! I know because I track my weight every day and that's the first day I started this up and down bull crap. In all fairness, I haven't started working out but I am eating less but probably not what I should be eating. It's that time of the month (or will be this week anyways) and I am feeling munchy and want to eat all the time. Add that to the fact that I threw a baby shower on Sunday and yeah... the weight is just being maintained. I'm ok with that mostly but really I WANT ANOTHER FILL!

When I got my last fill she told me I really did have to wait the full 4-6 weeks for another fill now regardless of how the last fill made me feel. Well, even though they doubled my fluid in my band I'm still feeling zilcho change. I know I eat less. I see it when I get full and sit back and see all the food left on my plate. I see it when I'm out to eat someplace and bring 3/4 of my meal home with me. I do see that I am eating less, I do! Yet, I'm still frustrated because I want my fills when *I* want them and I'm not allowed to get another one until June 29th. ARGH!

In the mean time I'm just going to sit back and start exercising and watching the crap that gets near my face. Our new gym opens today at 4pm. It was supposed to open May 1st but don't get me started on that.

I've ultimately lost about 23 lbs (since April 11 - pre-op diet) and I guess I should be happy with that but I just am being ridiculous and want it to happen overnight.

Blah... add all that to the fact that Cadence was walking on the edge of the sandbox yesterday at school, slipped and fell and landed straddling the edge. She was alright but didn't pee from 5pm yesterday until 1:30pm today! We were both QUITE cranky by then and I think mine hasn't quite worn off yet. :(

I'll be back with a more positive post soon.. I hope! (grr.. LOL)

Before & During

2009-05-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

The hubby put this together for me. I'm going to try and be more consistent in the future with these. I'll wear my hair up since it changes a lot anyways and try to stand in the same place on the floor when I take pics. The best way I can see changes was to look at the squares on the door as a sizer.

I don't see much difference... anyone else?

Click to see it full size.

The long weekend!

2009-05-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

This is my sweet girl after being attacked by a chocolate ice cream cone! ;)
A cute self-portrait of the hubby and me. I'm not sure I've posted any pics of him yet but here he is! :)
This is the face I gave Cadence when she walked around our circle and took a picture of each person. I just gotta be a goof. Check out the sunburn on my right shoulder, yup, it hurts.
And this was the picture I took of Cadence after she took her pictures of each person in our group. She's such a sweetie!!

So those are the pictures minus about 100 from the weekend. We were at Brat Fest in these pics and had a great time with a bunch of family. I ate one brat, minus the bun, with kraut and ketchup and followed it up with some super naughty Chocolate Shoppe "Mint Avalanche" ice cream.

I spent all of Monday nursing my sunburns. I must admit, I'm an idiot. I wanted "color" and put sunscreen on my daughter and NONE on me. I know.. idiot. Won't be doing it again, no worries. I'm still nursing my sunburns today.. they're pretty painful. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow.

I went in for my second fill this afternoon. It was pretty much in and out with one major SHOCKER. Between last Monday and today I managed to lose SEVEN POUNDS on their scales. The nurse was like, "are you sure you don't feel restriction!?" LOL I told her she was free to send me home based on weight loss alone but that I felt NO different from before my first fill. The NP came in and gasped at my seven lbs too but said she didn't blame me for coming back seeing as I have no restriction at all. She decided to double me on fluid in my band today. I am now the proud owner of 6 ccs of fluid in there!!! WOW!!! I'm excited about it :)

Can I also mention that it was SUCH an easy fill too!? Thank GOD! I think I got a little hyper about it for no reason... just based on last time. This time instead of doing a half-crunch, I lifted my feet off the table to tighten my abs and BOY was that the world of difference, according to NP! So awesome. She basically went in and out, maybe 30-45 seconds! So nice!! Can you tell I was pleased?! LOL

I managed to grocery shop STARVING tonight.. that was horrible. I came home and made fish sticks, asparagus (soooo yummy from the farmer's market), and mashed potatoes. Well would you get a load of what I ate?! I had 4 fish sticks, 3 asparagus stalks, and probably 1/8 cup of taters. HOLY HELL! Who shrunk my stomach in an afternoon!?!??! Oh yeah, that'd be the NP, hehehe. I know I'm just on the same day of a fill but it was so nice to go from starving to FULL in that small amount of food. I'm still satisfied and I'm looking forward to my liquids in 35 minutes, lol. I've been separating my liquids from my meals by 90 minutes now and it's sometimes torture with how thirsty I get.

Let's see. Last thing I want to touch base on is possible reasons for all the weight loss last week. I think first of all, I lost next to nothing the week before. I track my weight loss on an excel spread sheet daily so I can see what I've lost quite easily. Also, I walked SO much over the weekend!!! I went to the farmer's market on Saturday and walked the entire square with my preggo buddy. Then on Sunday I walked a TON to and from Brat Fest. So there were two things that are definitely NOT in my normal activity level. Not a ton but a change anyways.

OK I lied.. last thing. I now weigh less than my driver's license says I weigh! The good thing about that is that I was LYING when I first got that puppy!! My license expires this year on my birthday (of course) which is 09/09/09. Fun stuff, I know. ;) I'll wait it out and see where I am then and put the new weight on the new license. I'm excited about that though!!!

OK enough rambling. If you read all the way through you deserve a gold star!

Surgiversary!!

2009-05-22T16:23:00.000-07:00

I couldn't let the day go on without mentioning that today is my one-month surgiversary! :) I'm holding steady (well... a half pound up or down each day) at about 20 lbs still but have my second fill next Tuesday so I'm hoping that will help. I'm going to see about getting this show on the road!!!

Anyways, we have The World's Largest Brat Fest all this weekend and we plan to frequent that. It's a lot of fun and for $1.50/brat it's a cheap activity! I'll eat mine sans bun and with ketchup and kraut! I'm excited!!

I hope you all enjoy the long weekend if you are in the states!! I know I plan to!!

I need MORE!!!

2009-05-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

Even though my first fill was a wee bit traumatic I'm already itching for another. I have still noticed NO difference and so I called and scheduled another. Our clinic has you "go easy" the day of the fill and then onto solids the very next day. That's what I've done and have had chicken a few times this week and once or twice I swallowed too soon or too fast and noticed something but I had that BEFORE my fill too.

Anyways, long story short... I have my second fill next Tuesday at 3:15. I'll have to leave work mid-day to get it but I'll just take my lunch then or something (I work til 8 on Tuesdays). I'm really looking forward to it, of course. I'm feeling a bit ripped off and really want to feel *something* and since I'm self-pay I also want to get the most out of my year of coverage. I'm going to bring that up and see if they might let me come back every couple of weeks instead of the standard 4-6.

Tonight we had a work baby shower for my co-worker. The bosses treated us to dinner at a restaurant and we had this little back room to ourselves to play games, open gifts, etc. Our high school co-op employee is graduating as well so we gave her her gifts too. It was a good time. I ate rather light compared to what I know I could have in the past.

For now, as my weight holds pretty steady, I'm focusing on NSV's (non-scale victories) and trying to stay positive. My clothes fit better, I don't pee nearly as much as I used to yet I'm drinking more. I don't get up to pee in the middle of the night EVER when it used to be a once a night activity, religiously. People are complimenting me!!! This is a big deal.. I don't necessarily take them well, inwardly, but I probably appear to on the outside. I'm definitely not used to this attention! On Tuesday, a mom at my daughter's Kindermusik class mentioned she could see it in my face. Then at work a co-worker said she could really see it in my face that same day! I had my hair partially pulled back... perhaps I'll wear it back forever now! :D

Alright... enough for now. I'll think of more NSV's for some other posts. :)

First fill!

2009-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

I went in bright and early for my first fill this morning!! I was excited and not nervous until I got there. My BP was up and my pulse was 101, lol.. gee!? They got me back immediately and I got weighed (down 1 lb since 2 weeks ago) and all that jazz. After the RN was done the NP came in with a resident following her (the NP does the fills but is moving to Boston so the surgeons will do the fills until a new NP gets comfortable with things). She explained everything to the resident (and me) as she went. She cleaned me off, felt me up... err, my port! She let the resident feel my port and they talked about how easy it was to feel but that that doesn't always mean it will be easy to get into... I told her that was an inappropriate time to talk about that. :D She said there was no making me feel better after that, lol.

So she gets started and feels me up some more and explains that in the early stages you want to be sure you've got the port and not scar tissue or swelling. She's got the right spot and sticks me with the needle.. no sweat, no pain. Once she's in it took about 2-2.5 minutes of up and down action before she found my port entrance. Each time she'd try to find the entrance the needle would scrape against the plastic on my port and it felt like she was shaving some bone off in there. I could "hear" it within my body and it felt like a horrible nails on chalkboard type situation within my body. It was just short of awful. I closed my eyes at one point and had to remind myself to open them because I was about to pass out. I was breathing weird and she kept asking me if I was in a lot of discomfort or if I was doing ok. I didn't want to stop so I just kept breathing through it and said I was fine. Finally, she pulled the needle out and breathed a deep breath and said, "we're done!" OMG.. thank you! LOL!! Then I had to sit up on the edge of the bed and relax a minute so I didn't stumble down the hall like a stupid drunk.

She gave me 3 ccs and told me that the surgeon "primed" the port tubing so that all 3 ccs would go directly into my band. That was reassuring since it was one of the things I was confused about. How do you know what's actually IN your band if they don't "prime" it first!?

OK, so the reason it took so long to find my port was that it is apparently "tilted" downwards instead of flat. GREAT... gotta be *something* wrong, right?! LOL. She did say now that we know this it will be easier to fill me up later on so that was a relief. She said that I should mention it to anyone that fills me and you bet your sweet ass I will!!

She said if I feel nothing I can come back soon but otherwise I have to wait 4-6 weeks for another fill. I made an appt but the newbie at the front desk didn't seem to know what she was doing and only found ONE fill appt available and, of course, it was at the 6 weeks mark. I'll be calling soon to talk to the coordinator to see if she can squeeze me in someplace. They managed to get me today's appt two weeks ago so there MUST be more appts available. I know I'm not going to want to wait 6 weeks though so we'll see what I can do.

I should mention... I'm on mushies today but have had NO problems with stuckage or anything to speak of. Does it take a few days to feel a change?! I had meatloaf and asparagus for dinner with not a single issue!! Tomorrow it's on to solids. How long do I give before I call back and say.. "hey, I can't tell I had a fill!"??

Sorry that got so wordy, I just wanted to get this in for my own reference and any newbies that might want to read about a weird fill experience. :)

20 lbs

2009-05-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'm officially down 20 lbs as of this morning!!!! :) I was 3 weeks post-op yesterday as well. This number is since the beginning of my pre-op diet, btw! WOOHOOO!!!!! Off to work!

ETA: Maybe I should mention... my ticker is from my all-time high. Last time I weighed my high was last year around this time.

Brunch/Mother's Day/Dance Recital, Oh my!

2009-05-10T19:00:00.001-07:00

This is me and my bambino after her dance recital! She did fabulously and I was SOOO proud of her! This was her third recital and this was the first time she actually danced. The other times she had too much stage fright and cried or ran off both times. SOO happy!
This is my bub (on the right) and her BFF. They were posing for the BFF's parents so that's why they're not looking at the camera. I just think Cadence looks so happy here!
This is just Cadence all by herself, looking so super adorable! :) Her dance was to a song from A Bug's Life so she is a bug I guess! I had her wings on upside down at this point but I did flip them over before her dance started.

And the grand finale :) This is the new wall grouping as of Friday!! At about 3:30 at work on Friday I see this little head walk by my work window that looked a LOT like my kiddo! Suddenly I realize it IS my kiddo and she's looking ADORABLE! Closely following her is my husband. Oh and the kid was carrying flowers that she had picked from the florist herself, for me!!

Turns out the hubby took C out of school after lunch and took her to a hair appt and got her hair french braided. Then he had an appt at the Picture People and got these pictures taken and framed for me for my gift!!! OMG is she the most adorable thing you've ever seen?! Answer: YES! My sole gripe is that she needed a haircut and I'm taking her this week even... so her bangs are long! I will definitly live. :) What a great gift huh!? I'm going to have to try and top him on that for Father's Day... bring on the ideas now!

This morning we went to brunch with the inlaws and I think I did well. I got one plate of food (not heaped) and ate half of it in the amount of time it took everyone else to eat two heaped plates. I got one scoop of vanilla ice cream and ate about 1/4 of it. I'm happy about that, really!!

Happy Mother's Day to all my fellow Mommies out there!! :)

Tomorrow is one month from when I started my pre-op diet!! :)

Update on the weekend and eating

2009-05-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

First of all MARY (of the lap band variety) I can't comment on your blog! :( I click post comment and it just scrolls me to a different part of the page but there's nothing there! ACK!

OK so my weekend. We have a FABULOUS farmer's market in Madison and I have never been to it! I made the decision that today was the day and get this... Chris said he didn't feel like it at the last minute! WTF, dude?! Ugh. We do have a lot of produce at the moment so I guess I'll be pushing to go in a couple weeks (I work next Saturday). UGH again!

Then we picked up and went to a surprise 30th bday party for Chris' cousin. That was my first surprise party that I've ever been to! It was a good time visiting family and there were plenty of kids Cadence's age to play with. We hung out there longer than we would have since Cadence was enjoying herself so much.

Tomorrow morning we're going to a Mother's Day brunch with Chris' sister and her family and his brother. After that we have to go to Cadence's dance recital! :) This will be her third recital and hopefully the first one where she's danced ;) LOL. Let me see if I can put an adorable picture of her in here.....
Not the best picture but this is her at her very first dance recital. This was before she donated 10 inches of hair to Locks of Love - so over a year old now.

I hope she actually dances tomorrow... she's promised she will but that means nothing. ;)

So that'll be my day tomorrow. I always take a picture of me and my girl on M-Day so I will be sure to do that and post tomorrow (or soon after). :)

OH and big news... I'm down 19 lbs since April 11 (when I started the pre-op diet) as of this morning! I have 2 days to make it to one month and I *HOPE* I can make it to 20 lbs by then but I've been a slow, steady loser as of late. Oh and with the aforementioned brunch tomorrow... ugh. Good choices, good choices!

Happy Mother's Day to the Mommies out there!!

Bring on the FOOD!!! (2 week post-op visit)

2009-05-05T12:35:00.001-07:00

Went to my appt at 1 pm today, left by 2 pm. I saw the nutritionist first and she basically wanted to know what I was eating for each meal and each snack and she added the protein as she went and it wasn't pretty folks ;) I'm getting about 30 grams of protein in these days. She reminded me that my weight loss is going to stall unless I get more protein in and I assured her that as soon as I could eat more food I'd be getting plenty more protein in and that I'm still on the hunt for that perfect protein drink.

Diane gave me permission to start soft foods today, NOW! Then in 4-5 days I can start on a "regular" diet. Obviously by "regular" I mean eating healthfully and making smart choices. It was a darn good day for me when I heard "go ahead and start on soft foods today!" OMG! I think my stomach growled immediately. ;) She gave me some more papers; things I can read at home basically.

After her I saw the nurse practioner. At our clinic you see this NP for every fill and check up. However, she's moving to Boston in June so while they train the new NP we'll get fills from the surgeons (team of two of them). So she checked out my incisions - I joked that I was going to flash her! All looks well but my port incision is a little red but nothing out of the ordinary from what I've noticed. I told her as much and she calmed down a bit. She told me I can start swallowing all my pills whole and I can stop taking the Prilosec which was apparently given to me in error (grrr). They said they used to routinely prescribe it but do not anymore and she needed to talk to someone about that so that could change. So that means I'm down to three pills from ELEVEN! Damn. Considering one of those is a birth control pill (BCP) that is pretty damn awesome!!! WOW!

I asked her about missing my period the week after surgery. She said my body is probably just in shock from losing weight and the surgery. It will probably be back tomorow. She suggested a pregnancy test just for peace of mind but that isn't my concern. If I'm pregnant I'm pregnant, know what I mean? I'm preventing but if I am I'm not going to terminate or anything. I know I'm not though. Certain things need to happen for that to occur! ;)

I also asked her about activity and exercise. She said I can resume pretty normal activity and if start slow. If it hurts, back off. I'm ok with that! :) I'm excited to get back to the gym and get some more weight off with the help of some movement!!!!!

I feel like I'm rambling now but I'm SO EXCITED!

I know I won't get much from that first fill but I'm excited to get the process rolling and started. My clinic only does fills I believe 4 weeks apart. So there will be no calling the next day if I don't have restriction... phooey! I'll deal! :)

YAY FOOD! :)

UW Bariatric Clinic redeems themselves!

2009-05-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

I got a call back today but managed to miss it regarding my insurances woes. I called the person I was supposed to call and left yet another message explaining the situation. We'll see if they straighten it out.

Then I called Dawn, the program coordinator at the clinic. She had been AWESOME through this whole journey. I asked her if she could schedule me for my first fill since I don't have one and want to get it on the books before the end of the month fills up (haha, no pun intended). She was going to make it for 2 weeks AFTER my 2 week post op which is May 11 since I was originally scheduled for surgery on 4/28. Well, I explained I wanted the fill before the holiday because I am HUNGRY and don't trust myself. SO, what's she do? She makes my 2 wk post op visit for TODAY!!! Then she made my fill appt for May 18. OMG SO EXCITED! I quick IM'd the hubby (he's at work) and told him how excited I was "to get a big needle stuck in my gut" and do you know what this sweet man's response was???? "But it's soooo much more than that!" *Sigh* I just love him for GETTING this! He is so wonderfully supportive and awesome. So I'm happy with the clinic again and hopefully they'll get my insurance situation straight and then I'll really love them again!!! Happy day!

Weight loss, Insurance woes, & the weekend

2009-05-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

Lots to talk about this fine Monday morning. I'll start with the topic everyone wants to hear about: weight loss!

I step on the scale every morning. I'm still losing a little each day and my digital scale reads to the tenth of a pound so I still see great progress each day even if it's .2 lbs! This morning I dipped below 230 and am 229.8! Do you KNOW how great that felt!? Why, yes.. yes you probably do! I'm in a weight territory that I haven't been EVER as far as I know! I know I passed it up at one point in my life but I have NEVER seen these numbers on the scale. Growing up we didn't have a scale at home, nor did we in college. I didn't weigh myself until I was ohhhh 20, 21? Something like that. I knew from VERY periodic doctors visits that I was 250ish during high school. One summer I visited my grandpa in NC and he made me weigh myself and I was 180 but guess what... that was the summer before SIXTH grade! :(

Insurance woes is referring to the fact that I got my EOBs via email this morning and I looked them over. There were about 5 claims filed for various tests for my WLS! I am a self-pay person and they plan on charging me co-pays and other random fees for these tests because my insurance covered some of them! Nooooo sir, I will not be paying a cent more! I paid $18,888 and that was ALL INCLUSIVE for a year following surgery! BAH. I have a call in to get it straightened out before they start hounding me for money I already paid!!! ACK. I'm irritated by this SO MUCH!

The weekend was good! Friday we went to see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past as I said in a previous post. Saturday Chris decided he needed to escape the girls in his house and he went to the casino to gamble a bit. This is his weakness. We've been to Las Vegas 3 times for vacations. When he came home we hung out for a while and then went out for a walk around the neighborhood. We have pretty huge blocks and by the time we made it around one block my stomach felt tight so I called it good there. Sunday I lazed around for a while in bed. We went to see the movie Earth with Cadence. We thought she'd like the animals in it but she was very bored. Oh well. Came home and ate some dinner, cleaned up the house, did dishes, etc. Boring, typical Sunday.

I emailed my nutritionist a big long message full of questions and she wrote me back with a two sentance answer. *Sigh* I can appreciate that I'm not her only patient and all but at least answer all my questions!? She did however tell me I can start soft foods ON Wednesday! I wasn't sure if I needed to do purees THROUGH Wednesday so I wanted to clarify. YAY food.. I can almost SMELL it!! Sweet lord I'm excited :D